Dumped; strategies for coping while we still cohabit & beyond

[coffeeslave]

Hi all,

This is a bit of a vent and a bit of a plea for advice & hand-holding.

So my 20s & early 30s were a disaster in terms of relationships. I internet dated for 10 years () and aged 34 I met a great man. Within 2 years we'd bought a house together. I was extremely grateful that I'd waited - good things come to those who wait, right? And I told lots of people in their 30s not to worry, the right man will come along eventually. Etc etc.

So now I'm 40 and I've been dumped.

I am heartbroken. I really thought our relationship was "it". But he doesn't want to be with me and although I still love him I have to accept it.

As we co-own, we're still living together while we sort the house out. I am going to buy him out, but he's found somewhere to live and will be moving soon. We're sleeping in separate rooms.

I am not really coping with living with him, AND the idea of him moving out. He WFH so has always done most of the laundry & cooking. He's still doing all these things, and is asking me every day what I want for dinner like normal. Part of me wants him to carry on, part of me wants him to stop it because it's not as if we're together any more, is it?

I am trying to be out most evenings but I'm still spending maybe an hour or so with him when I get in. We watch TV together like normal. It's painful but comforting. I feel very conflicted. Should I be hiding in my room? Should I be telling HIM to go out? (He has few friends and no hobbies to take him out of the house)

Sorry, this is very disjointed but I guess I'm asking:

1. How to cope while we're still living together? (There are no kids)

2. Will I ever have a relationship again? I'm 40, I'm greying, my body is, well, a 40-year-old's body. I have memory problems. I just don't think anyone will want me. Will I have to do online dating for 10 years like I did before - honestly it was awful enough in my 20s & 30s. The 40-something men I've seen on online dating all seem kinda unappealing

I feel so sad because my ex-partner never wanted to get married, and after a lot of soul-searching I decided I would rather be with him unmarried than try to find someone else who was interested in marriage. Now he's dumped me and I feel duped.

Sorry to be all disjoined but I'm very sad and not really looking forward to the future.

You will feel much better about yourself when he has gone, it's like going through the rejection again every day with him living with you. When he has gone you will start to like yourself and your body again, you don't need to rush out there right away for validation.

SunRainSun Yes it will be once he's moved out. I owned two properties before I bought this one with him, so I'm well-versed in home owning. Kind of wish I hadn't sold my last home in a very trendy part of London to move into a bigger house with him in a less cool area I can't afford to move back there now. Luckily I have enough money to buy him out with cash.

Another update. He is moving out today. He's spending his first night at his new flat tonight & coming round tomorrow for the last of his stuff. I had a big sob at him last night asking why he didn't talk to me about things. He's very stoic when I cry at him and it makes me feel like he doesn't care.

I'm so gutted. I knew he was going but him actually being gone feels very final. I'm going out for drinks with friends tonight so hopefully I'll be a bit drunk when I get home & can just fall into bed.