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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help! I suspect my friend is feeling suicidal, what can I do?

26 replies

Savelife · 17/08/2017 07:23

Just as above, practically what can I do? I've had some messages this morning that make me worry. I might be totally wrong, I hope I am. If I'm right, how can I talk them down through txt?

OP posts:
Original poster
Savelife · 17/08/2017 07:27

At the best, I hope they've just bought a ticket to anywhere and are going to go & leave the mess but my spidee senses say this isn't the case. They won't open up and tell me what it is they've planned, only that 'they're going', 'they hope they get it right' and 'they're not coming back' and that they've asked me to 'say goodbye' to everyone for them. It's hurting me, how am I supposed to handle this?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/08/2017 07:27

The best thing you can do is encourage them to seek proper medical help ASAP. If they're really determined you won't be able to talk them down and that's not a responsibility you should take on yourself.

Is there anyone who could actually go and see them? What's made you think they're suicidal?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 17/08/2017 07:28

Gently ask them what they are feeling and try and explore their feelings. Be non judgmental and try and validate how they feel. If they have actually confessed to feeling suicidal then suggest they call the Samaritans.

Original poster
Savelife · 17/08/2017 07:28

I could be totally wrong but if I'm not, what if I'm the last person they have contact with and I didn't do enough? I don't have their current address so I can't pop round.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/08/2017 07:29

Sorry, cross posted with you.

I'd send something back like "I'm your friend and I care about you, so I'm really worried about what might happen next. Could we meet for coffee?"

Original poster
Savelife · 17/08/2017 07:30

I've already had one friend commit suicide, I don't want it to happen again. I have a bad feeling. Sad

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/08/2017 07:31

If they do it, which I hope they don't, it's not because of anything you've done or haven't done.

Original poster
Savelife · 17/08/2017 07:31

Yeah I've done that Purple They've stopped answering me for now. We were only in txt contact, they won't answer their phone. They've had a bucket-load of tragedy in their life - top end super painful stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
Savelife · 17/08/2017 07:32

But I love them as a dear friend, we've been there for each other and I don't want them to do something stupid. I know they think they've lost everything, they told me that weeks ago.

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Fortheloveofscience · 17/08/2017 07:34

Might be a ridiculous idea, but could you call the police? In my head they'd find an address and attend for something like this...

Otherwise do you have any mutual friends who might know where your friend lives?

littlebird7 · 17/08/2017 07:36

You have her number - keep ringing and leaving messages. Just say you have something very urgent you must say. Hopefully she will call back.
Can you not find her? Do you have any inkling as to where she might go?
Can you call her parents/neighbours?
It is essential to talk her down. Then get her proper professional help. Give her every reason you can think of to carry on...

alltalknobaby · 17/08/2017 07:36

Ask them outright "are you considering suicide?". Often being given the chance to talk about it can make the feelings ease.

Fortheloveofscience · 17/08/2017 07:43

A quick google shows my idea's not ridiculous. They've given you real cause to believe they're about to commit suicide, phone 999 and give as much information as you can.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 17/08/2017 07:48

Absolutely call the police if you are concerned someone is imminently planning suicide. You have text messages that are clearly suggestive that your friend is planning something.

The police will take your concerns seriously.

Original poster
Savelife · 17/08/2017 08:06

I've had another txt saying 'I know you understand' (that they're going). No! I don't bloody understand. If it's totally innocent, why not just bloody say where?

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Original poster
Savelife · 17/08/2017 08:09

This is what I got:

Them: 'I'm going to go today I hope. I have a plan and I hope it works. Say goodbye to everyone from me.'

Me: 'I'm worried about you! Where are you going? You're not coming back?'

Them: 'I hope not. I think you understand'

Go where? They never told me they were thinking of going anywhere? I've no idea what they're on about? But I do know they have incredibly heavy shit in their lives that they've been struggling desperately with.

OP posts:
Dawnedlightly · 17/08/2017 08:11

Call the police. Flowers

Skisunsnow · 17/08/2017 08:12

Just call the police.

beltanelove · 17/08/2017 08:17

Call the police, it's not over the top. They are the only ones with rights to break and enter property if no response.

Miserylovescompany2 · 17/08/2017 08:19

Another one agreeing you should call the police - does your friend have a history of low mood?

Maybe this is their way of seeking help?

brightlightceiling · 17/08/2017 08:20

Call the police. Go over and ask them if they are suicidal. People tend to give you an honest answer when asked outright. If yes, try to get them help.

OneGreyElephantBalancing · 17/08/2017 08:21

As someone who regularly works feels suicidal, I'd say this is a suicide message for sure. Do what you need to make this friend safe.

OneGreyElephantBalancing · 17/08/2017 08:21

Sorry random word works in middle of that sentence.

OneGreyElephantBalancing · 17/08/2017 08:23

As them if they can tell you what their plan is. IME, saying outloud/ writing it takes the wheels of the speed of the plan sometimes

sureitsgrand · 17/08/2017 08:24

Is there a local emergency suicide prevention service? A family member died by suicide this year, he sent me similar messages. I lived too far away to go to him. I googled and there was a lovely voluntary service in his area- I gave them his number and they were in contact for a few days, but he still chose to die. However I believe he was the first person they actually lost, they usually get in in time to help. Worth a try.