Does anyone else have that one person you can't get over?

[jaffacakesaremyfave]

It's been nearly 2 years since I broke up with the man I thought I'd marry. I still think of him daily and I still feel very hurt. I wish I could move on completely as I don't think I was the love of his life the way he was mine, which makes it even more annoying that he's still on my mind. I do t cry about him anymore, just ruminate over the hurt, shame, how much better he's doing than me etc.

If you have experienced this, does it ever go away and how can I make it happen faster? (I've done all the usual hate lists, unsent letters, councelling) or is it something you learn to live with?

Time isn't a great healer in my case

That sounds really hard. I'm struggling to get over someone at the moment, even though we weren't really properly together I can't get him off my mind. It's been a few months and I know realistically it will take me quite a while to really move on as I haven't met anyone else I've wanted to be with as much. I think some people just take a lot longer to move past things like this and I know how painful it can be. Sorry I can't offer much advice, two years is a long time but you are who you are and obviously you feel things deeply. I think when you're on that emotional high of the early days of being in love with someone and it ends, that can be particularly hard as you never get to that comfortable stage when the intensity lessens. So you kind of get stuck emotionally. Especially if your self esteem is maybe not that great and you feel rejected/ you were the one who loved more. Lots of sympathy from me

Yes. It's been many years and he's now married whereas I'm not. I compare every new relationship to him, although I try to remind myself of the bad stuff that was there too. The only thing that helps is thinking that the man I loved and who loved me isn't really there any more. It was his younger self.
Also that stuff about the universe contracting and expanding and repeating everything again so that I guess I'll get to be with him again someday.

Yes a year in but it doesn't help that we keep stoking the flames by being in contact, although I don't really want to stop.

Was a relationship by chance and not at a convenient time in life where his path was marked to leave and not return for 2yrs or more or never I don't really know what lays ahead there.

Almost feels like we are in a long distance relationship but I'm free to date and see others openly but my heart isn't in it so I don't do it so much.

Kind of in limbo, I'm perfectly fine single, I miss/want him but also not making myself available to others as I'm technically free.

I'm really sorry you're going through something similar right now *Fidget. I completely agree that it's difficult when you break up during the ' very much in love stage'. We were only together 1.5 years but broke up just before things were moving forward to be more serious. I definitely have low self esteem which doesn't help and can't tell myself I will meet someone better as I'm surprised I got someone so great in the first place.

*Carousel, I can completely related to comparing them to every new relationship. I've dated quite a lot since the break up and no one has ever come close to him. It must have been very difficult finding out he was married. I have no go tact with my ex and no mutual friends so I have no idea if he's married now (but most probably is as he got with someone straight away after me).

I think what makes it hard for me is being so so close to someone and then the next day it's all over and they never want to speak to you again.

He didn't treat me badly so I can't even hate him. I tried to reach out to him last year but his replies made it clear he's moved on and doesn't want me in his life.

I'd do anything to forget him. There's nothing worse than wasting your thoughts and emotions on someone who doesn't even think about you anymore.

Hunger that sounds like a really difficult situation. Our relationship also ended because it was in limbo at the time and we had to make a make or break decision. I regret that now bitterly but then I also think living in limbo can be worse which is what I wanted to protect myself from so I broke it off

I guess to some extent I'm still trapped in my own head with the pointless what it's anyway. I hate having to be a grown up sometimes and make decisions that I'm not sure of

Yes. I was the one breaking the relationship up after 8 years because it wasnt going anywherr and i wanted to move to the next stage of my life. Now 5 years later i still wander if i been bit too hasty, i still love him. We are still in touch and friends, which may be making the whole situation worse. Every day i try to forgive myself and forgivw him for taking us here and love and cherish how we developed each other to be where we are right now. (But really, every day i wonder how could it be instead...)

It does pass. I had this many years ago. I probably thought about him every day after we split. He treated me well, so I didn't have bad times to think about as such.

I compared boyfriends afterwards to him and it wasn't till I told myself, if he thought about or loved me the same way, we'd be together.

I think you need to meet someone else who is great to truly get over them. That's how I felt. When I was with other guys who met my needs and treated me in a special caring way, he was out of my head.

It can take years... But that was over 25 years ago, yet I occasionally still think about him, but now as see it wasn't the perfect relationship I thought it was at the time. Now I can see faults in the relationship and he's not as great as I thought he was. Age and experience helps.

Yes. It's been 6 years and I've even been out with someone else for over a year during that time!

He (the original one) betrayed me in a particularly upsetting and spiteful way and I've no idea why I still think about him. We were friends for 10 years before becoming a couple and it still feels like a shock - to find out what he was really like.

Two years today I split from someone I thought I would be with for life,but looking back he totally broke me. Led me to believe he was my Mr Right, when all along he was cheating and lieing too me.
He's now with someone else and I'm still single. But I pity his new partner because I know the real him,the person he hides, but you can't hide your true self forever, yes it hurt, yes I wear the battle scars. But I won't let someone hurt me like he did ever again.xx

I compared boyfriends afterwards to him and it wasn't till I told myself, if he thought about or loved me the same way, we'd be together.

Great point

Yes, he was like a drug. I had hypnosis, now married to someone else and happy.

I'm over the man, just not the issues he left me with

I can totally relate to the man I love not being there anymore. He did things that were hurtful towards the end and he definately had someone else lined up long before the split (if he wasn't sleeping with them already). My head can't seem to consolidate the two though so I'm still in love with this ghost of a person who only exists in my head which is rather pathetic.

I really hope this goes away when I meet someone who was just as good, if not better. It's difficult though as I don't really meet eligible guys at all IRL and given up on OLD because it's so dire.

It's interesting that people who have stayed friends have felt just as awful. I tried desperately to remain friends (even a year after the dust settled) as I hoped it would still allow is to have that connection but I'm glad in a way that he so brutally cut me out as I couldn't cope with hearing about his new life.

I think I'm still dealing with the rejection and what an idiot I made of myself during the breakup and when I tried to reconnect. I've had break ups before but this hit me so hard as he was the first man I truly loved.

yes STBXH. Its only been a couple of months, though to be fair and we were together nearly 20 years (married for 13 years).
Dreading New Years eve already. Silly I know, but we had our first kiss and became a couple new years 1997/1998. (Went home with him to his student flat and didn't leave for 4 days! ahh the nostalgia of youth).

Love is a drug and your in withdrawal.

Trying not to think of a tomato will have the opposite affect.

You need distraction, entertainment, hobbies, movies, reading, family etc.

I should take my own advice, for me it's been 7 months and every second I'm ruminating