How to act?!

[User2410]

I don't know if this is in the right area. I don't really know what I'm asking to be honest!! I suppose because I've been married for 8 years and just started getting my confidence back im not sure what's what.
I've been seeing this guy had a mutual agreement that we don't want anything serious. We have amazing sex, better than my exH so it all feels abit exciting and new. When I leave i want to see him again the next day or atleast arrange the next meet, And that's mainly for the sex. But he doesn't give much away I think he has serious commitment issues. He's 30. I'm 28. . I haven't experienced this before so unsure if I just have a high sex drive or if I'm falling for him abit. Well not falling because this hasnt been going on for long atall so i dont know him well enough. Not sure how to play this as I don't want him to think I am too keen :s I feel like I need life lessons which I'm sure with all of your different experiences u can advise!

Take it easy (you knew that would be the reply, didn't you?)

After an unhappy marriage and the crapness of divorce, it's really easy to start craving the real intimacy you thought you had or seemed to have in the early years with your husband. I can guarantee that great sex is going to kick those feelings off big time.

So I'm saying that, yes, you are falling for him and, no, it isn't real.

Never easy to keep your foot on the brakes, even at the best of times ... but you need to remember that you're extra vulnerable just now. Treat yourself as you would a friend who was haring too fast into an unknown relationship - including the stern talks and hiding your phone, if necessary!

Get your real friends on side if they will support you with this. Try and fill up the spaces in your life with something else, maybe? Anything that makes you feel valuable or appreciated will do.

No, you don't have an abnormal sex drive :)

Yeah I did! It's hard! But he's not a boyfriend...i know he wants the perks of female company and to just chill with me too ext but shall I just let him do the chasing in that regard? I was going to ask him when he is free next but I think maybe I should leave it for him to ask that. After being in a relationship with someone who put me down so much this feels pretty good. But I can't get ahead of myself. My rl friends would say the same but I don't they understand how much my ex ruined my confidence. I hardly believe a word anyone and doubt myself most of the time!

Anyone says*

I'd make sure that you arrange hookups with him on days you want half he time. Keep control.

Just enjoy it honestly and see what happens don't restrict yourself life is too short

I suppose I'm use to the security of being 'married' but that was a false security anyway. What's in a title anyway!?

Just go with it. I'd be honest with him, "I'm just really enjoying sex with you. If it seems like I'm contacting you too much, just excuse me on that front."

I did that with my dp and we kept it v light for the first year in a similar fashion. It was a lot of fun. We'd spend the day in bed sometimes and be at it 6-8 times over the course of it, I've no shame.

Over time, we got to know each other and it grew into something more but you're allowed to just have lovely sex and enjoy the pleasures of life for the first time in too long! It doesn't have to change into anything more than that. Just follow your fanjo heart nose.

Haha I love that! So true. He's use to being on his own, has alot of female friends through work, lots of freedom whereas im use to being controlled by a man so it is a strange feeling at the moment but I'm gnna go with it carry on working on myself esteem and what not. Is sex just sex to a man?

Honestly, don't focus on him. He is in charge of himself, you're in charge of you. Be honest, open and respectful, expect the same from him. If his feelings change he will tell you and you can go from there. Don't waste precious mental energy trying to predict his or your feelings. Seriously. (I was also in a controlling rs before. I so understand the impulse to try to predict/control how things go, after all that!)

Who knows if sex is just sex to anyone, including to you. It can mean something different to the same person from one day to the next.

Live in the moment, concentrate on yourself, on how YOU feel about things. For at least the next year. Don't rush into taking care of someone else emotionally.

That's good advise thankyou. I'm such a people pleaser it's hard breaking the habit. I'm quite honest with what i want and my feelings and hopefully he will be too. The only thing I have gotten out of him so far is how amazing the sex is and that I'm a 'nice' girl and he worries I'll want more and doesn't want to hurt me. So he obviously has reservations. Perhaps if it comes up I'll reassure him that I don't want more. But if i feel I might be creeping that way I'll end things? I'm definitely not at that stage now I just want a bit of consistency but if i were to work on myself I wouldn't feel the need for reassurance from him I suppose.

I'm (nearly divorced) and I had a similar sort of thing with someone for a while. The sex was good and for a little bit I felt like maybe I wanted more, but the longer it went on the more I realised he wasn't really the one for me. It was great while it lasted and I do think it was an amazingly positive experience to have that time but if I'd pushed for a relationship it wouldn't have gone well and I would have ended up somewhere I didn't need to be. Since then I've met someone I have really fallen for, and what I learnt from my FWB situation has been valuable to me. I know now that I really value sex, good sex, as part of a relationship and I'm not prepared to compromise on that. But I also know the difference between physically good sex and how it is when there's also a real emotional connection. That's unmistakeable when you feel it and you don't have to ask any questions or have any awkward conversations - you both feel it

Brilliant advise fifthkey. I'm in no rush for this feeling either. I feel like I've completely lost myself and it's like I need lessons in life and love. Kinda cliche. But I suppose experience is the way. I was 19 when I met exH and have 2DC so everything's revolved around being a mum and wife.

I'm only nearly divorced aswell and been separated for 8 months so its all early days.

Yeah, you don't have to go out with everyone who's interested, every experience doesn't have to be a relationship...after being married it can seem odd to be in these undefined spaces and you sort of want a label on everything, but you can just enjoy things for what they are. Also, one thing I have found to be 100% true is that if a man is interested, he will make it happen. Dates, sex, a relationship...men just don't let these chances pass them by. So it's great you feel confident enough to make plans to meet up if you want to, but don't think that if you don't, that's your opportunity out of the window. If he wants to do it, he'll ask. It just might be on his timescale, not yours. I tried to force something for a while and it was stressful and made us both be a bit weird. When I was with someone where we were be feeling it, no forcing was needed. It was right there.