AIBU getting annoyed with drinking?

[wbdtc]

Hi, married with 2 pre schoolers and the wife is hitting the bottle. Its not all the time but she goes off on a bender from time to time. There isnt a pattern but she will do it a few times then not for a while. I just find myself getting more annoyed when she does it. She either doesnt come to bed or gets up again to go and drink more. it isnt just getting a bit tipsy either, she is totally hammered and then gets really nasty with it. not violent, but just saying horrible things. She just starts pouring wine down then hits the gin. once she starts on a bender she doesnt give a shit about anything and then leaves me to deal with the kids all the next day while she sleeps it off feeling sorry for herself. I know damn well she wouldnt put up with me rolling in from the pub in the state she gets into all the time but Im expected to put up with it. Ive talked to her about it but when shes hungover shes tearful and sorry and when sober goes on about how shes not going to drink and she doesnt want to do it but then a week later she polishes off a bottle of wine with dinner and its off to the shop for wine and fags.

How often is she drinking ? Every night? Once a week? Once a month ?
Couple times in a space of a week and then not for a month?

I don't personally see anything wrong with letting your hair down and having a drink now and again, she shouldn't be getting abusive tho and that needs to stop. Have you spoke to her ?

Can you ask her why she drinks?

Is she home alone with two pre schoolers? Or in a job she hates? Is she hiding something?
Realistically, health wise and financially this cannot continue. But she needs to make that decision.

YANBU. Anything that results in her being abusive or unable to look after the children is not ok. Does she have issues with depression? Has she always behaved like this.

Rather than talking to her when she is hungover, have you tried explains how you feel and your concerns between these episodes.
I think it would also depend on whether she ever stops at one glass or if she drinks not at all or to excess. You could suggest she goes 'dry' for a spell?

Do the children see her like this?

Your wife needs professional help. Is there a history of alcoholism in her family?

The 3cs re alcoholism:-
You did not cause it
You cannot cure it
You cannot control it

I would be talking to Al-anon in your particular circumstances as you are being affected by your wife's drinking. This is a problem that you cannot afford to ignore. Not all alcoholics sit on park benches and or even drink every day.

If she does not want help to address her alcoholism there is nothing you can yourself do. You can only help your own self ultimately and this is where Al-anon can help you.

Talking to an alcoholic about their drinking and or asking them to cut down is about as effective as peeing in the ocean.

Yes you are right to be worried, take this from
a recovering alcoholic sober for 34 years.

Atilla is spot on !

If she can't stop, then she is an alcoholic.
YY to what attila said.

She suffers from depression and anxiety. She can have a drink and stop at varying degrees, ie a glass with dinner or a few drinks with friends. But she just decides to get out of her skull and proceeds to do it. Normally when one friend in particular is around but not always. She doesnt do it when she has to look after the kids, its normally when I am there.

She os an alcoholic. That is typical alcoholic behaviour. Would she go to AA?
You need to look after yourself . She stands to lose her children if not careful. Does her family know? Please dont cover up or make excues for her. I would start by encouraging her to get help but ultimately the decision is in her hands.

You've said :
It's not all the time - it's with a friend - at home -not when she has to take care of the children solo.
If this is, as it sounds, an overindulgence with a mate, on her own time then as annoying as it may occasionally be YABU. We're all allowed a night off and to let our hair down?
But if she's being verbally abusive THAT is a problem! Definitely not reasonable.