I'm divorced with a DD of 17 and her dad has two other children. Daughter 2 is a girl of 17 from a sperm donation to his friend who was desperate for a child (apparently). I was pregnant with our DD when he carried out this act of kindness and he decided not to tell me about it in case I got upset. In fact she was always a part of our lives and spent time at our house and I simply thought her was his friend's child. He has daughter 3 with the woman he left me for (they're not together anymore) who is 8 and has some physical disabilities but is happy and going to school. He's close to all the girls and has always been very involved with my DD and she loves him very much.
Obviously the situation is unusual and when I found out who daughter 2 really was, I was devastated and we separated shortly afterwards. I've got used to things though and accepted daughter 2 as a part of the family and have always welcomed her. She feels loved by me and she and my DD are very close although they struggle to explain the situation to people.
My concern now is over money. My ex has never given me any support, claiming that as our DD has always spent considerable time with him it wasn't necessary. I've supported her on quite a low salary and hardly spend anything on myself. What really hurts though is that he never spends anything on her, a fiver here and there maybe but that's it. He's very very tight, never seems to spend any money and has never worked. He has a well-off father who has given him money to buy a property and my ex now owns two properties and I believe has shares and investments.
He's very involved with daughter 3 and is still in love (obsessed?) with her mum who left him about 4 years ago and is now in another relationship. She has no money and isn't working and my ex has helped her buy a house and bought her a car. My DD came home in tears last night after having found out that he's taking daughter 3 and her mum to Disneyland Florida next year. She finds this inexplicable as he's so tight with everyone else (buying her an M&S sandwich is just out of the question) and although she's always put him on a pedestal, I think it's hit home that he's treating her very unfairly. He had promised her for years that he'd take her to California but never delivered and this news is like a knife to her heart. I think it's all about his obsession with his other ex and he's throwing money at her to try and get her back. She's going to tackle him about the situation and try and get some answers but he's very manipulative (I realised he was a narcissist years ago) and will probably try and make her see that his behaviour is acceptable.
I'm not going to get involved until she has this out with him but I do need to talk to him about finances and how upset DD is. She's going to uni next year and will need support and I'm not doing this on my own. He'll try to wriggle out of it and because he's such a good talker will probably make me end up thinking I'm being unreasonable. If anyone has ever been involved with a narcissist, they may know how difficult it is to confront them. Please help me stay calm when I talk to him and how I can support my poor DD who's so shaken by this and maybe starting to doubt her dad's love.