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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How would you feel about this?

3 replies

susiesuesue · 16/08/2017 07:37

I work in the same company as my cousin's DH (lets call him Sam). Cousin and I are not particularly close but I obviously have some family loyalty to her.

A couple of months ago a new woman (Sarah) joined Sam's department and Sam and Sarah work quite closely together. Sarah is about 10 years younger than Sam and is recently divorced and is apparently feeling a bit bruised about her ex moving on. I've noticed that Sam and Sarah spend quite a lot of time together, for example whenever I go to the canteen they are having lunch together and she has joined the same gym as him. Sam is a nice guy who has quite a lot of female friends so at first i didn't think anything of this. However, last Saturday there was a big company BBQ. Partners weren't invited and lots of drink consumed. At one point I happened to come across Sam and Sarah, she was obviously upset and he was saying something like 'if I wasn't married I'd go out with you'. I've since heard from a colleague that he also told her that she was a 9 out of 10 for looks and personality. Now he may have just been trying to build her confidence, and had reduced boundaries due to the drink but I think if he was my DH I'd feel uncomfortable with this behaviour and want to know about it. Should i tell my cousin?

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 16/08/2017 07:44

No as he is being straight telling her he is not up for cheating which is good.
However he is playing with fire here so i would make him aware that you have heard about the commments and can see it is a dangerous position to be putting himself in and if he values his marriage hopefully he will have the sense to end the friendship.
However if it spills over into an affair then yes i would tell !

Gorgosparta · 16/08/2017 07:49

There is so much that could make this innocent or not so much.

Would your cousin mind him comforting her?

Because that could be that she is feeling no one will ever be interested in her and he is trying to tell that, thats rubbish.

Or they could be having a conversation acknowledging they have feelings for eachother. And he is saying he does fancy her but he is married.

I dont really think the 9 out of 10 comment is much. Its unproffessional to do at work. But from a relationship side, you can acknowledge someone is attractive and even have a crush. That doesnt mean its wrong because you are married. You don't stop noticing how people look because you are married.

It could be nothing more than a friendship.

Of course there could be something going on and if his wife wouldnt be happy about him comforting her, than thats an issue.

Gorgosparta · 16/08/2017 07:51

Sorry i also wantes to say, that at the moment there is so litrle to go on, i am not sure its a great idea to tell the cousin.

It could cause you problems at work if he decides to complain you are causing problems in his marriage.

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