AIBU Buying perfume for another woman

[user1481406249]

So we have been together 5 years. Have a 5 month old baby. My birthday was a few months ago. Given 2 bottles of perfume. Not any I've had before but ok. Took a plastic bag from the drawer the other day and found a receipt for 2 bottles of the same perfume. But bought in July (long after my birthday). Asked my OH and he bought them for a female friend. He said he couldn't tell me cos he knew how I'd react. He's also delivered said perfume to the friend. I knew of this women. No real threat as far as I was aware. They were friends before I arrived on the scene. But she is an ex girlfriend. Probably 8 years ago? Initially said he's done nothing wrong and that it was my fault he couldn't see his friends. Rubbish. I appreciate he is not the type to go to the pub with mates and watch football etc he has female friends but this is not on. I do my own thing or at least I did before baby was born and I don't stop him from doing his but feel he has gone behind my back and then tried to blame me. I also sent him a sweet text the other morning (letting him have a lie in cos he works) I took him up a cup of tea and then handed him his mobile saying I'd sent him a text. He grabbed the phone with panic in his eyes. Yet his phone is finger print so I can't see anyway. AIBU?

Secrets such as this are not good in a relationship so the fact that your OH kept this gift for a female friend scenario secret indicates he has something to hide. The fact he said he knew "how you would react" reveals he knew that his behaviour was inappropriate and would upset you but he chose to do it anyway - that tells you a lot in itself.

If this was an innocent situation and he wanted to buy a perfume for a female friend surely you would be able to give recommendations and help him with his purchase?

The cynic in me would suggest that buying the partner and OW/OM the same brands of perfume/aftershave is an old cheaters trick designed to dull your senses. Many people can easily identify if their partner comes home smelling of an unknown perfume.

The phone issue suggests further issues could be present, has he shown overly possessive behaviour before?

If your feeling uncertain about what is going on, would it be possible to check finances such as credit debit card statements for any unexplained spending?

Do men buy perfume for anyone other than wives and girlfriends ?

I think not

That's off, but you'd need a lot more to go on before you could accuse him of anything.

Thank you for replying. My thoughts exactly. I'm not an idiot and can be a bitch but seriously where did he think he was going with this? If she was a serious friend surely I would have met her in the last 5 years?

It's the secrecy really. If my DH said he wanted to buy perfume for a female friends birthday, I'd be fine with that.

If I see receipts and have no knowledge of it, then I would become suspicious.

Secrecy; buying the same perfumes; trying to undermine your anger by saying that's why he didn't tell you - a hat-trick of red flags.
On top of them, he must have lied about where he was when he gave her the perfumes.
He's definitely a liar and probably a cheat. What do you want to do next?

No married man buys another woman perfume unless it's his mother or a girl he's fucking.

I have a lot of male friends, all my very close friends are male.

None have ever given me perfume. It's sort of assumed to be a romantic sort of gift by the vast majority of men.

Would it be too cynical for me to say he probably bought her the same perfume so you can't smell 'another womans' perfume on him..... it would wouldn't it. Doesn't sound good though. All the secrecy and lies...

Men buy perfume for relatives or people that they are seeing wearing only perfume. It's your move now. Make sure that you have a nest egg and options. I'm so sorry.

I've got to say, it doesn't look good. I too have never received perfume from a male friend, but have plenty of times from boyfriends...

Some of my closest friends are men, and I usually stick up for male/female friendships, but this is odd.

Perfume is a very intimate gift. It's saying I want to smell you. And the other stuff is worrying.

Wait, you have never even met her? That's weird. If she is a good enough friend to but a birthday present for surely she would want to come visit his baby?

I really couldn't believe him.

I don't think perfume is an intimate gift in the slightest. It just shows a lack of imagination in the buying department.
Doesn't look good though

The only people who've bought me perfume: myself, my sister, my parents, my MIL. It'd be very to get perfume from a friend. Even more odd to receive perfume from an ex-boyfriend (even though I'm good friends with one).

No too right it's not on. Hope you're ok OP

Eh?
My DH of 20 years has a very close friend in a brother/sister kind of way & he buys her perfume for her birthday or DutyFree.

There is nothing else in it at all.

I do get the fact that he is open about it & involves me is different so yes, OP, the issue here is the secrecy.

Like others have said....red flags.

Trust your instinct

I think it's very odd that he has a female friend that you haven't even met in five years. There's something very suspicious about that alone. Add that to secret, hidden gifts and panicking about you having his mobile and i would be investigating a lot further. Sorry op

I am a very big believer in trusting your gut instinct. What is yours telling you user? Honestly, I would think the worst in this scenario and have been through something similar (finding a bottle of the perfume I use but never being presented with it). Personally I would try to look on his phone if at all possible. Would he lend it to you if you asked to borrow it or is he currently guarding it with his life?