Becoming scared for my state of mind

[acarnamedwanda]

I need a hand hold and some perspective before I lose my mind.

I am going through a divorce from my husband of 12 years. We have three DCs together who are currently half way through spending the summer in his own country with him and his family. Kids are happy and having a great time and we speak regularly so no issues there.

This summer was about finding time for me, which I certainly have and have been lucky to have a few weeks overseas. However, I have spent the past few days just constantly sobbing and I can't snap out of it, to the point I feel physically sick.

I have no surviving family, so now my kids are away I feel completely lost. I spent 24 hours in my own company rattling around my house before I realised I had to go back overseas to spend the week with my friend because I despise my own company. I was stung with a £2000 solicitor fee for my divorce less than a month ago which I paid promptly, to be then charged another £700 today for work done since then which includes work that I wasn't billed for previously. I have queried this and am waiting for them to get back to me. I know it's a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things but I absolutely hate being in debt and have sobbed most of the afternoon at the thought.

I feel like I have no drive, no enthusiasm and no passion. I want to take my craft venture to a bigger and better level but put myself down to fail before I've even given it a shot. The man I have spent the past 10 months having feelings for is about to leave my life and relocate overseas. I have no parents to call me and check if I'm ok. My thoughts are overtaking my daily life to the point that I honestly feel like I'm not in control of my life anymore.

I have stopped taking my pill to see if it helps with my mood. I have just started to feel like anything I do in life isn't worth it anymore. My kids need me but I need someone too and whilst I have lovely friends, everyone has their own set of issues to be dealing with.

I want the old me back, but I feel trapped inside my own thoughts. I'm worrying about money, the future, wasting my life away and wondering if I will ever stop crying. I'm hurting so much. I don't want to take anti depressants ideally because they won't change the existing problems regarding my debt, my hopes for a relationship with a guy that isn't happening and the fact I've lost my parents.

Please can someone just hold my hand and help me see things straight. I'm even crying again as I type this. I'm overseas staying with a friend and I should be having the time of my life but instead I just feel so lost and lonely

Sending huge hugs and hand holds. It must be incredibly hard; things have changed drastically for you over the last few months and the end of all of these things is almost like a period of grief. Understandably you need a shoulder to cry on.

I'm not great at post-marriage advice but am happy to listen and let you know there's someone here.x

I think you need to give yourself a MASSIVE break. You have been through a lot recently and it's a huge blow the first time your kids are away. I know, it happened to me the first time mine went to stay with my parents for 6 weeks. I was beside myself. I had thought it would be so great to have such a long break but I was lost and miserable for the first 2 weeks. With everything going on in your life, you are left with having to make huge adjustments. Just allow yourself to feel shitty - it's ok and perfectly normal! Cry when you need to without beating yourself up about it. Life has a way of righting itself, and I'm sure things will start to get back to a new normal.

Please be kinder to yourself. You are going through such a stressful time. I'm not surprised you are feeling as you are. Small tiny steps, don't judge yourself and do whatever you need to do each day, if that means cry then cry but also choose something small and achievable that will bring some pleasure, maybe a walk or a hot bath with a magazine. If that means staying with your friend then do that, absolutely do what is right for you, not what you think you should do. You are certainly on a journey but am sure slowly but surely things will get better 💐

Thank you so much for the replies.

My heart is breaking over a man with whom we had a thing going on- just causal and fun until it started getting serious and he broke me by saying he was relocating overseas. He then paid for us to go away for a week which was absolutely amazing but now back to reality and it's been firmly reiterated that we're just best friends. I know that in the grand scheme of things it would never work, but I want him and he has told me he wants me but I'm not enough for him to stay in the uk that alone has destroyed my self esteem and the thought of having to say goodbye to him and not knowing when is breaking me.

I am due to start uni in September and will be a mature student and am already wondering if I even need to be going back and studying after all these years.

I have been crafting for a few years now and would love nothing than to turn it into a full time job (I am restricted with work due to lack of childcare and the fact that my DS has a disability). However, I cannot focus and concentrate on anything long enough to get my bum into gear to turn my dream into a reality.

I guess the debt is a minor issue as I can always pay it off even just the minimum for as long as it takes. I just hate knowing that it is looming over me and that my dealings with the solicitor still aren't over yet.

Unfortunately the friend I'm staying with isn't the most sympathetic of people. She has a very much 'get on with it attitude' which has actually quite intimidated me. All I'm looking for is a hug to be honest.

I just feel sick to my stomach that I'm losing my sanity. I need to make plans and sort my life out some how but don't know where to start

The worst thing is that the ex seems to have it all in place without a care in the world. I should be the one with bells on after escaping and abusive marriage, instead I'm wondering whether this feeling of loneliness and helplessness was actually worth it

Op no wisdom just things will get better. How long until the dc are back?

Two weeks on Saturday. We facetimed today and I just cried because of how much I miss them. I shouldn't have let them see me like that but they were all I needed at that time as a pick me up.

My thoughts are controlling my life in such a negative way. I have never been so emotional like this before, not even when I decided I wanted my marriage to be over. I should be embracing the freedom but instead I feel as though I'm heading on a downwards spiral.

I lost my dad when I was 16 and my mum when I was 22. I'm only 32 myself. My children are the only family I have and I feel almost embarrassed that I don't have any relatives that I can call up and share my problems with. Not only that, I have nobody asking me if I'm ok. There's nothing I can do to change losing my parents but it doesn't stop it from hurting so much

I went back to uni and just completed my degree. I'm 44. JUST DO IT. You'll be glad you did, and it's a wonderful example for your kids.

If you look at it as anxiety about the situation(s) you are in would that be less scary than depression? You can take medication that addresses both :)
Right now everything is in flux. In 4 weeks time the dc will be home, back at school.

Hi lovely

It is totally normal to be feeling like you do. Your babies are your world and to be without them for so long must be so difficult.

Going back to study is a great idea and once you've started I bet you'll love it and meet lots of people and start to find yourself. This is just a period of readjustment and mourning. It is hard but it will pass.

All the best. Try and enjoy your holiday and think that in just two weeks you'll have your kids back and soon you'll be embarking on new studies which will mean a new and exciting future full of possibilities

Definitely give yourself a break. If your marriage was abusive you've been keeping a lid on all your feelings for a long time. As hard as it is, it's a process and you're working through it.

I had counselling for a year plus antidepressants to get me through. And I still have bad days. When your kids are there, there's a focus. You're bound to feel vulnerable without them. I do too. As soon as my son is back I feel straight away that everything is back as it should be!

Be kind to yourself.

I've woken up this morning with my heart beating very heavily
I managed a good sleep in which I had a dream and saw so many of my family members who have unfortunately passed away. I didn't see my mum or dad, but it was a happyish dream until I woke up and back to reality.

I want to busy myself with things to keep me sane, but in order to do that I need the motivation- something which I am lacking terribly.

I hadn't thought of looking at it as anxiety as opposed to depression and that does make sense and make me feel slightly better. I desperately need to lift my mood and get rid of all my self doubt, if I only knew how.

If you can, get put for some fresh air and exercise. Nice walk somewhere. Endorphins from exercise are good.

I really think it's worth thinking about telling your GP how you're feeling. X

Hi OP
Didn't want to read and run. I've been struggling hard lately, and can relate very much to how you are feeling right now. (Also broken marriage/recent breakup with someone I care very much for).
Some days it all just feels like too much.
The thing is though, it will pass. This period of intense unhappiness/anxiety will not last forever.

My advice to you for today is as above a) get out and get some fresh air/exercise. and b) choose a small achievable task - and do it. Even if it's just changing the bedclothes on your bed, or tidying out a drawer. Think of another one for tomorrow. Maybe make a small list of things like that. Weed a flower bed. Mow the lawn. Get dc's rooms ready for their return etc.

It will pass, and you will be ok. Little by little. Hang in there and ((((hugs))))