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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband left after 21 years Ashe has feelings for someone else

29 replies

SallyLouise75 · 15/08/2017 19:07

I'm 6 weeks in from my husband of 21 years telling me he no longer loves me and has feelings for someone else at work. He worked away most of the week and came home on the weekend. I thought we were going through a rough patch but I kept asking what was wrong as he was distant but all he said was that he had a lot on at work and he felt lost. When he told me he didn't love me anymore and had feelings for her he said he hadn't spoken to her for two months as her husband found out and she was trying to give her marriage a go (she has a 2 and 5 year old). Why won't my husband give it a go with me, I don't understand. I'm up and down but mostly down especially at the minute as my 15 year old is away with him and my 19 year old is on what should have been our family holiday with her friends. I feel so desperate at times as I have begged him to come back and at least try and make things work. I feel lost and scared that I won't be able to find anyone who will love me the way he used to, we were soulmates and he was my best friend. I find that I can't stop myself from texting him and calling him because I am so upset that this isn't him and don't understand why he left us for maybe nothing and won't even try to give us a chance. He also said he has been unhappy for two years and has been thinking of leaving for a while but he never spoke up about it and now I feel abandoned as I had no idea this was going to happen and he has just gone.

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SallyLouise75 · 30/08/2017 00:15

It's been two weeks since I last posted and I'm still so upset by it all. I went to an initial mediation session today (on my own, he's going next week) and then called him when I got home to see what he was expecting from it in the long run, separation or divorce? He said well we have separated so ....... I managed to stay composed and just ended the conversation with him saying we can catch up next week after his mediation. I'm still so upset that he gets to move away and not face up to the responsibility and see the heartache his action are causing. I don't want a divorce as I still feel he's made a terrible mistake and will eventually wake up. Aparently she is still with her husband (not sure I believe him). Why me, I thought we were invincible and forever. I know I sound pathetic but I'm so disappointed and angry he didn't fight for us. Took the kids shopping before the mediation today and I felt alone and started crying in the middle of the shop and just wanted to come home. Seeing a solicitor on Tuesday. This is becoming so real and I don't like it.

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lou8719 · 30/08/2017 01:09

Hi I have just read your post I have been in your situation but me ex was cheating on me . I didn't know how I would carry on with out him was with him from the age of 15 so he was all I knew . Heart broken didn't come close I literally thought I was going to die . Coundnt eat . Sleep couldn't talk to anyone cause I would burst out crying . I took about two years for me to get over him ! That's probably longer that it takes most people . I really hope your ok . There's nothing worse that the feelings your going through but it will get easier and one day the hurt will have gone ❤️ xxxx

SandyY2K · 30/08/2017 02:17

He didn't fight because he's long since checked out of the marriage. You don't want a divorce, but now is the best time to get a decent settlement, while he's still feeling guilty.

This is his choice. He confessed and left when he didn't have to. He was hoping you'd kick him out, but when he realised that wasn't happening, he left.

There's no point in being married to a man who do love you and more importantly, loves someone else.

SallyLouise75 · 30/08/2017 08:39

Thanks, I keep telling myself it'll get easier but he's all I can think about. I'm trying to keep busy and do different things to take my mind off the situation but it's easier said than done. It's my birthday on Sunday and I'm not looking forward to it but my family are rallying round and being supportive but I find it hard to talk to them even though we are so close. I like you lou8719 get upset talking about it. Everyone says maybe go the the Drs and get some anti depressants but I'm not sure.

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