What is this - is this a control thing?

[poopsqueak]

disclaimer I love my mother, and I am not bashing her, I merely am wondering if this happens with other people.

So everytime my Mum comes to babysit my daughter, she will make some attempt to change what my daughter is wearing.

It can be something such as 'do you have a pair of leggings instead' (if she is wearing dress/dungarees/shorts) or the exact opposite 'does she have a dress she could wear instead?' if she is wearing trousers. If I say 'no' (which I do mostly) she gets a bit huffy.

it also happens with her hair. She will come in and say 'lets get that hair out of your face' if its down or 'I think we should let your beautiful hair down, don't you?' if its up! Sometimes my daughter has chosen a particular hairstyle so i think thats why it bothers me so much.

She does it with coats too. And its not even just a 'checking if it's appropriate for the weather thing' sometimes I think she just changes the coat for the sake of it.

I have only noticed it since I have been a parent but she does it to me and my brother too (31 and 34 respectively) - asking if we 'will be warm enough' 'won't you be too hot?' 'are you wearing those shoes?' etc etc. Its as if she still doesn't trust our own judgement or ability to dress ourselves. Its weird.

For example last year it snowed quite badly. I didnt have any boots (was planning on buying some though) but I wasnt too bothered as I can park outside my house and my car directly outside of the building at work. So trainers would do and I would change to work shoes once inside. But this absolutely bothered her, that I didnt have boots. So the sent me £100 to buy some. I was grateful of course, but I just couldn't understand why she was so bothered. I bought some lovely sturdy 'biker' - style boots (black with silver buckles, flat, waterproof) and she then commented on how she didnt think 'I was going to buy something like that!

Shes also a classic 'oh, thats too big for me/you can't possibly think of eating the whole thing/I won't finish that/won't you feel sick?' type eater, so I think deep down she still wants to control me a bit?

I just wondered if anyone elses Mum did stuff like this to their kids? or to them?

Yes, constantly. Its only about clothes, too. Very specific. I don't have children but its the same as what you say. 'Oh, you're wearing that are you?' / 'Do you have a necklace you can wear with that?' / 'Won't you be too hot/cold in that?'

I try and let it go because shes usually wonderful. Its hard though, like you say I find it hard to not think that maybe she thinks I can't dress myself!!

I'd have dd in a real outfit next time she comes! Let her choose herself if she's flamboyant!

Do you think it's because they are a little disappointed their daughters/sons don't have exactly the same taste as them. I get it, my child picks up some hideous things in the shops, but unless they are impractical/inappropriate I wouldn't necessarily not buy them.

By the way this mornings comment was 'oh, you're ready? ' when I put my coat on to leave. I guess she didn't think I was smart enough for work. Ha ha.

My mum does this. If they're wearing a nice dress she'll take it off and put an old raggy t shirt on to feed them then that will end up staying on.

This was something my MIL used to do. I remember nursing my daughter once and when she was finished I put her down in the moses basket and went to make us each a cuppa. Came back in she had taken my daughter from the moses basket, changed the way she was wrapped in her blanket and lay her back down. When I asked why she just said. Oh this is how you should do it to make her feel like she is still being swaddled. I let it go until it happened 3/4 times. She would also pass comment about clothes similar to your mother and she would take the two of them out, buy them new clothes and they'd return wearing the things she had bought.
I eventually told her how it made me feel and she doesn't do it any more.
So maybe just tell her you feel like she is questioning your decisions and ability as a parent and you'd appreciate it if she didn't x

Oh God, I do this to my adult kids! To be fair, they do have form for going outside not wearing enough layers (they live in towns and this is rural, and when we go out to walk the dogs they think a jumper will be enough to protect from the Yorkshire elements (it won't)). And DD3 is noted for wearing trainers when we're heading down a very muddy path...

But they do look at me as if I'm mad whenever I do that 'are you sure you'll be warm enough?' I like to think they do it fondly though.

And I NEVER change my DGC's clothing - that is not my place.

My MIL likes dressing my kids up. She has totally different taste to mine.

Some of it I let wash over me. Luckily it also irritates DH if the kids return from a day out wearing MIL clothes too often. He binned one coat MIL chose - 'you know, just in case she needs a spare one' 😤🙄

Sometimes it's a little about control. Sometimes it's also partly enthusiasm and forgetting who is the parent.