First post here so I need to unload
Married 13 years, together 16 years. 1 child aged 14.
Things have not been good for quite a while. Over a year since we last had sex and sex life leading up to this was dire.
I know it takes 2 and that I have a part to play. However H is the perpetual man child. Always, always, always on either phone or Xbox. Claims to do so much around the house when in fact what he does, isn't that much.
I do 100% food shop and cooking or we don't eat. I also work full time and have done in some capacity since DS was 3.5. H will clean if asked but usually with strops and complaints that I'm nagging. I think he deliberately does a poor job in an effort not to be asked.
He works and always has done. City based job on a 6 figure salary. I have always contributed to house hold income - about 25% of what he earns but have also run house, done all childcare and organised my job around our son. I've been to every school assembly, production, meeting and so on whereas 'because he works' H has not.
H has put on quite a bit of a belly in the last few years which I find quite off putting and has contributed to me not wanting to have sex. I would have overlooked this if H had been more caring or positive about my appearance; which he has not. I had my hair cut quite short and he spent 6 months telling me I looked like a butch dike and that he didn't like it. I tend to carry weight on my tummy (I'm a size 14) and he refers to that as my 'unit'. Apparently I have big, flappy ears like the BFG. I'm not allowed to mention he appearance though, he doesn't like that and can become quite offensive if I do point out I don't like his tummy.
He can be quite obnoxious about other people. He makes rude comments about people he thinks are beneath him. He claims to better than other people. Unsurprisingly I find this attitude to be very unattractive. Again affecting my perception and attraction towards him.
I think my living with this has had quite a negative effect on me and I'm quite snappy now. I don't react well to his comments and then I'm in the wrong. He tells our son that mummy has a poor attitude and that I'm difficult to live with. He has previously asked him who he loves more, daddy or mummy! He has told him wouldnt it be good if mummy left and that they can live together without me!
We have zero communication between us. There is no intimacy. He offers no emotional support for me when I need it. He has no interest in anything apart from playing computer games, watching crap TV and drinking beer.
On the weekend he threatened to leave again when I said something that required a response. I calmly informed him that I couldn't live like this anymore and that I wasn't going to stop him. Usually I would try to placate him and keep the peace. I have been reluctant to break up the family home due to the upheaval it would cause my son. Also I know he will be vile Abbott money and the thought of having to go through that put me off doing anything. I earn slightly too much to get any support salary from child benefit. Splitting up will
Leave him with loads of cash each month and me scrapping around for pennies.
So he decided to start packing. I didn't stop him. He went through all his personal effects and put his treasured possessions in a plastic store box that he left in the spare room. He then went back to playing his game. He hadn't packed any of his clothes. Atmosphere was awful. I left it and hour or 2 and then went and asked him what he was going and when was he leaving. He informed me when he felt like it and that he wasn't going to discuss it further. The rest of the day was horrendous. We slept in seperate bedrooms. Sunday he started to talk to me ignoring the elephant in the room. I calmly removed myself from him and sat in what ever room he was not in.
He went off to work yesterday. I went to work but have also contacted the divorce lawyer I had book marked and now have a first appointment, but due to annual leave it's not for 2 weeks.
Today, after H had left for work I decided to see what he has packed in his box. It's full of keepsakes. Postcards, photos, ticket stubs and things he has kept throughout the years.
Except there is nothing from me! It's photos and stuff from before we are together. Further investigations revealed everything I have ever given him is in the bin! So he has kept nothing from our 16 years together!! This has floored me! I can't believe that I have given so much of my life to someone who has placed zero value on our lives together.
I know it's over and I can't deny it probably should have finished a while ago. I feel numb. I'm terrified for my future. I am terrified about having to tell people. It won't be amicable because of the money. I have no pension as H has a very good pension and that was for both of us. H has recently taken to referring to it as his or Dion and that I need to sort out something for myself as I wont be he having any of his. I know that I can claim 1/2 of it but he will fight me every strep of the way. It will be awful.
I can't believe that this is my life. I feel lie screaming. I want to scream at him how much he has ruined my life. What a ways of the last 16 years.