25 weeks pregnant and DP walked out and isn't coming back

[timingisabastard]

My DP has decided that family life isn't for him and left yesterday. It's a complete bolt out of the blue. He's staying at a hotel and waiting to sign a lease. It's happened so fast and I don't really understand any of it.

He's left me, our 2 children, and we've got another baby due later this year. I feel like my whole world has caved in. Can't eat, can't drink, can't sleep properly.

It feels like he's left me for someone else but I'm 99.9% sure he hasn't - but that would be easier to understand.

I don't know what I'm after I just feel so utterly alone and I can't see how to get through any of this. We'll have to move because I can't afford the rent and bills, god knows how we'll do that with no money coming in as I've been a SAHM with some freelancing on the side.

I thought things were good - that we'd got through some really rough times - we got engaged two months ago - and now I'm pregnant, single, with two children, and no money.

Happy summertime!...

@Cakedoesntjudge I love that quote from your DF. It IS the getting there part that's so hard - I wish I could fast-forward through this mess or just know that by this day and date I'll be happy and doing this and that and it's like a light at the end of the tunnel. But that's obviously not going to happen so I've just got to ride it out like you said.

And also! How is it okay for services to help vulnerable people, such as Universal Credit, to charge 45p a minute?! That is absolutely bloody disgusting!!

Sending lots of love. My relationship ended yesterday and whilst I'm not pregnant I've got a 1 year old so know how heart wrenching the feeling is. He said he had fallen out of love with me and a woman at work gave him a shoulder to cry on and he really liked her. So I'm heartbroken while he has someone to take his mind off of things.

It's shit, beyond shit and imagining any kind of happiness after this is very tough but you will get there. You and your children will be ok. I'm sorry I can't give you much advice as it's all very new to me but if you want someone to talk to send me a message any time

@Icklepickle101 Oh, I am so sorry to you, too! I have no advice either - so far I'm taking it moment by moment and keeping as busy as I can and trying to desperately avoid checking my phone in the hope there's a message from him.

My mum's just popped in and keeps going on that he MUST have met someone and how she's been discussing it with my step-dad and they are both convinced that he's met someone else because that's just what some men do and no man leaves unless he's got someone else. She thinks he's met someone at work or through work (as far as I know, he works in a male environment and I don't know of any women there) and that's how I don't know.

I honestly don't think he has met someone else. But I just don't know and his computer is here but I can't drive myself mad trying to go through it because that really will make me feel crazy and I have to hold on to my sanity.

There haven't been any signs, I don't think, but I am imagining all sorts of scenarios and I just don't know.

I just want to sit and cry this afternoon but I know I can't.

My mum means well but she likes to be in control. I think because I'm doing things and staying on top of stuff and I'm not in this obvious pit of despair (which I am), she doesn't understand - I think she'd prefer me to be angry and to hate him and to be as difficult as possible and maybe I should be but right now I can't - although maybe that emotion will come.

I just feel like I've lost my best friend and it just hurts so bad.

I also feel a little disappointed in myself for not being this angry scorned woman but who will that help? Will it help?

Anger would help you to value yourself and your baby - you've both been wronged! What he has done is not only totally selfish but also it's a betrayal of his role as a partner and a father. Anger would mean you'd be more likely to stand up to him and not allow him to "walk all over you " - putting his needs over yours and babba's. In a way a bit of anger would be a rational response to his actions and protective of your self and little one.
(Notice I said a bit of anger - in proportion, not all consuming.) but this is just my opinion.

Have you contacted CAB?
They can help you with all things money and benefits etc....

It is shit. Truly truly shit.
And do you know what? It won't improve for a while yet.
But it WILL improve.
We can all promise you that.

As a bloke I think he did the brave thing, at a crap time thoughgh, which I understand isn't what you want to hear.

I left my ex and 3 kids, admittedly not out of the blue, and it's incredibly hard to do that. I know there'll be people along 8n a minute to minimise my experience, which is fine.

There isn't always another person involved - there wasn't in my case.

I would suggest focusing on what you and the kids need right now. He seems to be doing what he should in terms of money, but claim whatever you think you might be eligible for, it takes time to process claims.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but take care of yourself.

What tosh. He didn't do the brave thing. He did a cowardly and underhand and disloyal thing. To walk out on partner and two children and another one on the way. How is that brave. He didn't become unhappy overnight. I don't know if there is another woman involved. there usually is but not always.

Explain to us all please Scruffy how leaving your two kids and pregnant wife is brave? Talking through your problems in a relationship is brave, running away is pathetic and cowardly.

He did the brave thing because he (clearly) knew it wasn't going to work and he ended it. It's difficult for all concerned, but it's better than a lingering downward spiral. People seem to think it's easy for a man to leave, and that we live the life of Reilly, I can tell you it certainly isn't the case. This may be out of the blue to the OP but it won't be to her ex.

MN seems conflicted on this - a female leaving a relationship would be loudly encouraged. Here people are saying the OP has been wronged. She hasn't - their relationship has just ended.

It's rarely nice to end a relationship, but that's in comparison to an ongoing happy relationship, which clearly wasn't the future for this family.

Don't dwell on him, he's gone. Make your life what you want it to be, starting now.

Total aside but what number do you have for UC?

0345 6000 0723
Should be treated the same as an 01 or 02 number and included in minutes allowances on mobile if that helps at all

Big hugs, so sorry for the shitty time you're going through xx

But Scruffy they got engaged 2 months ago!
Like... 8 weeks ago!!!!
They agreed to have another baby not that long ago.
That's just fucking cruel!!!!

@Hellsbells Yeah, seriously crap timing, I did say that before.

But when you know, when you "realise", then you can't go backwards - like you can't un-see Trump's neck fanny (insert your version here).

Maybe he "knew" before then, but there's no way of telling. People will try, but it's not helpful to believe any of us can understand a 3rd party's thinking from the OPs post.

But again, that's still about him and the past. It doesnt help OP start to feel better.

@OP - I'd say don't get angry, keep it calm and as amicable as possible, because the next few months set the tone for the next few years. That's not the same as saying you shouldn't resent his choices, nor have a good cry. Lean on friends and family to help you through, that's why we have friends and family.

When someone comes round, offer them something to eat and have the same yourself.
Always have something to eat when your kids are eating.

When a close relative died suddenly, I couldn't eat but could manage to have something small if someone else was eating.

Your DP is acting like a selfish coward, and you are doing great.
Definitely don't make anything easy for him eg being out if he comes round. Get someone else to be with you at the time, if that would help you.