My lovely DP of 21 years seems to have totally checked out of our relationship. I found a text message on his phone a year ago to a younger female colleague. Nothing specifically wrong with text, just a picture from his bike ride and slightly flirty BUT it was sent at 7:30am on a Sunday morning. After some questioning, in which he told me they are just friends, (although she wasn't a contact on his phone so not that good a friend AND he deleted the message before I told him I'd seen them). I asked him if he was still happy with me and he refused to reply. I asked him if he still loved me and again he wouldn't reply. This has been going in for a year. At first I thought he was just flattered by a much younger colleague showing interest (he is her manager) but it's just got progressively worse. We're on holiday at the moment and everything I do or say seems to upset him. He won't look or engage with me. We had a choice of rooms and he selected the one with single beds. In another apartment we have a double bed but he's clinging onto the mattress on his side to get as far away as possible. He started being very touchy with our youngest son, now 12, by holding hands and putting his arm round him - obviously nothing inappropriate, but almost like he want some human contact just not from me. Sometimes it feels like he's showing me what I'm missing but I know he doesn't care enough to play games like that. He doesn't engage at all with me if he can help it. During some conversations over the last few months he has said things along the lines of "I love you but in a different way" and "I want to find myself" - He has spent our entire holiday saying how he wants to come back to do cycling (basically without us - we don't do mountain biking but "she" does) he's also ignoring our eldest son who looks and is more like me and less into having "adventures". I'm heartbroken. It's affecting the kids and ruining my self-esteem. He's said he's fed up with me crying all the time because I've become emotional for the first time in 21 years. I could count the number of times I'd cried previously in front of him on two hands before all this. He wants us to go to relate but there seems little point if he clearly doesn't love me at all anymore. I can't believe my lovely, supportive, kind and caring partner of 21 years has just checked out and doesn't seem phased by the end of a 21 year relationship. I'm not financially independent, we're not married but we jointly own a house. I'm going to see a solicitor once we're back but I feel absolutely broken and at a totally loss as what to do. He seems ambivalent and just wants to have "adventures". (He's upset because I don't like heights). He told me our youngest son would be better off if we split up because he could be taken on adventure holidays rather than sitting on the computer! He doesn't seem to realise that the boys will be devastated. He doesn't seem to comprehend the enormity of what he's doing. He says he doesn't want to split up but totally ignores me unless it's to complain about me. He's always been so lovely but now there's a barrage of character assassinations every time I try and talk to him. Perhaps I do have some issues (I don't get on with my mother due to emotion abuse issues, I'm also quite cautious and slightly anxious which he now hates) but nothing so bad as to raise it with me in the last 21 years. It's like he's looking for excuses. He seems to totally resent my existence. If I say I can't go in like this he tells me in that case I'm ruining it all - like it's my fault, shifting the blame onto me! I don't know what to do - I've never felt like this or been so depressed, scared and desperate. He's 46 so I assume he's having some sort of midlife crisis but putting a name to it doesn't help or excuse this behaviour. I just feel so broken.