I have been with my partner for 12 years, she has 5 children from a previous relationship, they have no contact with the father. Obviously I entered the relationship in the difficult role as a step parent, but it was one that I was willing to accept. Sometimes the relationship with the children has been difficult but in the majority it has been a rewarding one. All of. the kids have now left home, and have started to have families of their own, which is wonderful, the grandchildren know me as a grandparent, everything has been going swimmingly, until a year or so ago.
My partners eldest daughter entered into a new relationship with a young chap that she had known since she was very young, my partner was initially chuffed to bits, as this daughter had had a few dodgy relationships. My partner was liked the new guy in her daughter's life, and could see that he made her happy.We even arranged a little holiday for us all, which is were things went a bit wrong. During the holiday the eldest daughter and her new boyfriend had an argument, as most new couples do, as it was the last day my partner and I took the rest of her kids and the grandkids out and left them to sort things out.Eventually the daughter and boyfriend joined us, but the argument was obviously still simmering, We continued on with our day out, keeping all the grandchildren away from the daughter and her chap who were still bickering and snipping. Eventually my partner could take no more, and asked her daughter if everything was OK, at which point the boyfriend told my partner to stop 'fucking interfering their argument was nothing to do with her' . From that moment on my partner hated him.
The eldest daughter and her boyfriend made up, but my partner made it clear to her daughter that she expected an apology, which I supported her in that desire. A few months passed, still no apology, and my partner continued to go nowhere near him, this did make it difficult for the daughter as they now lived together and we often meet up as a family for meals out.
Then came the announcement that the eldest daughter was pregnant, obviously the whole family was over the moon, secretly I kind of hoped that this would put everything into perspective for all and that the previous incident would be seen as water under the bridge, but no my partner still wouldn't speak to him.
When the baby was born, the daughter invited the whole family around as soon as she was back from the hospital. My partner walked in acknowledged him and as every grandparent does cooed and ahhed over the new arrival, a beautiful little boy. My daughter's partner remained their throughout the visit, there were no fireworks and all seemed normal, at last I thought the new arrival has smoothed the water.
The next day , things went a little awry for the little chap, the health visitor noticed irregularities in his breathing and he was blue lighted back to hospital, I expected my partner to go as well but she refused, because she noticed on fb that her daughter and boyfriend had taken the baby to see his family before she had seen him the previous evening. The baby was in hospital for nearly two weeks and my partner refused to go to the hospital and even when the baby came out of hospital has continued to not speak to her or her partner. Yesterday was the little boys christening, and again stupidly it would seem I thought an event that would heal things, right up until half an hour before the christening I believed that we would be going as a couple, but my partner turned to me and said that she wasnt going (and that I should support her and also not go) we then had an argument , i said to her it was wrong for her not to go but she stormed out of the house, so I went to the christening without her but along with her other kids and grandkids. When I came back to the house I was locked out and spent a cold night in the car. This morning, when I got into the house, she started ranting and raving at me, informed me that our relationship was over , that I never support her...that I could stay in the house play ' happy famillies' but if I think there is a relationship she would prove there isn't by bringing a man home and sleeping with him.
Now I don't know what to do, I certainly don't want to lose contact with any of her kids and definitely don't want to lose my grandchildren. There is a part of me that thinks no one could be that cold after 12 years, and throw a relationship away because I disagreed about attending a christening, but I also know that she can be very stubborn and is willing sometimes to cut her nose off to spite her face. I am at the end of my tether, I so dearly want to help mend the relation ship she has with her daughter but don't know what to do, say or how to react to her last outburst. Was I wrong to attend the christening?