Sorry, it's a bit long, but don't want to drip feed the situation. I'm not in the UK, so kids are still at school, halfway through the year. Ds (yr 2) made a best friend at the start of the year and we've had a lot of playdates back and forth. Friend was fine to start with, but as he settled in his behaviour went downhill - very 'boisterous', with bad language, spitting on the floor, burping in ds's face, arguing and not wanting to be his friend if they don't play what he wants...he helps himself to my food cupboard without asking, doesn't flush or wash hands after using the loo, etc. All sounds a bit petty, but it's full on. Obviously I've intervened where appropriate, always give snacks after getting in from school anyway (he's always after the 'treats' which my kids have to last the week), helped them come up with shared interest activities etc.
His parents are separated with new partners and a new baby each, so I can understand some unsettled behaviour. However, this seems beyond acceptable. Don't know if there's trouble at home, his dad seems to find him difficult to deal with, and is always happy for him to be round ours. Odd things like at the last minute asked us to pick up friend so we could take him to our ds party (15min drive away) and drop back home afterwards, despite being a short walk away from us and at least four adults living in the house to organise things.
Ds has recently had some episodes of getting upset about things at school and I've seen his teacher. Now it transpires that 'friend' has been hitting him in the playground, doesn't stop when asked and follows when he walks away. I'm due to see his teacher again after school, but what do I say and suggest without making it sound like I've got it in for this kid? They can play together nicely as they do in the park after school, the difference being that I'm there to keep an eye on things. (Friend is taken by another parent, who looks after him and his own two that day, friend asked if ds wanted to go, but the parent seems to have stopped taking him because his own ds doesn't play with them as a group??
) We haven't had playdates for a while, basically because I don't want to have to manage someone else's kids poor behaviour continually any more.
I've suggested the usual to ds, walk away, play with others, tell teacher (which he's reluctant to do, I think because of repercussions), etc. He still wants to be friends. Any other suggestions?