Martyrs

[Howdydoodee]

I'm not sure how to say this. Whether it's me or her. I try to give my partner as much time off as I can. If I have a day off I try to encourage her to have a day off too. We have 3 kids so it ain't easy. Maybe it's me forcing what I want on her but at the same time I know she'll get cranky with me if she has been looking after the kids all the time. I'm quite happy to go out by myself or meet a friend and I'm quite happy to have the kids for her to do the same but she never really wants too. I feel this builds up until she is stressed and then all kinds of things happen. Again in my opinion, less affection, distance that kind of thing. Anybody else experience this kind of thing?

It think communication has to be the key. Maybe she finds it difficult to articulate her needs
Could you sit down and have an honest frank discussion about both your needs and perhaps if you struggle to do that maybe go to relate. Even if things are ok between you it's sometimes good to have a space outside the home to discuss your life together

What things happen ? You say she's cranky and things build up, but then what happens. I hate to say it but are you being abused ?

I'm not sure what the point of this is?

Calling her a martyr is not very nice.

You need to talk to her about why she's unhappy.

Is it the case that if she takes time off she has to come back and do all the shit that she didn't do because she had time off?

Maybe not the same but my husband used to do this "I'll go out Thursday night, Sunday night and stay late at work on Tuesday, you can have Friday and Saturday if you want?"

But actually what I wanted most was normal family time together not to carve up the week into 'my' night and 'your' night..

Also I had to come back and do all the shit I didn't do because I had time off..

I don't think using a word like 'martyr' is going to help. Nor is giving her 'time off'.

Being a parent is exhausting and sometimes it's no fun at all. Instead of giving her a break make it more fun as a team. Book something spontaneous and go out as a family. Explain to her that you're concerned she's not having enough space of her own; ask her if she needs anything or if you can help. Ask her if she'd like to do more by herself or if she genuinely has no interest in going out, ask if she'd like friends over for a night in. Don't second-guess, ask.

Have you tried asking her what she does want?