No contact when we argue not even for his son

[DollFace13]

Me and my partner have been together 2.5years we were friends 6 years prior to our relationship.
We have a 14 month old son.
2.5 months ago we got our biggest argument where he pushed me and police were involved. I kicked him out and the police served him with 30 days no contact.
We had to make arrangements through other people for him to see our son. Which was only ever done once (father's Day) because his side of the family couldn't be bothered driving 40mins to my house. My family are in Scotland and London ( I moved to be with Bf so him/family could be part of our sons life)
Anyway the 30 days passed and I surprised myself how amazing I just got on with it and how I could deal on my own , esp with no family or friends close by.
Once we started contact again I could just tell he wanted me back and was also lingering on visits.
He's currently at his friends house and waiting to get his own place. So it's been about a month and half now and we have been civil and done family days out but nothing seems to be getting better as a couple. He never stays over, hasn't even asked his family to babysit and take me out. He has however took me on a shopping spee .
He just seems to think he can do what he wants and have me here.
He never makes arrangements for our son . Just always messages on the day ( usually weekend, and mainly a Sunday) or just turns up .
This winds me up as I can never make plans and no salons or anything are open on a Sunday. So I can't even relax/pamper.
Recently we had arranged for him to watch our son (Saturday just gone) so I could have a Driving lesson and then after we would all go out. He was then going to stay the night and then the Sunday I was going to view the house he wants to rent (which he wants eventually me and son move in)
I was out shopping in the Friday and he messages me saying . He thinks he's doubled booked as his mate has bought cinema tickets for Saturday night. So I said well I thought we were doing something like food and movie staying here.
He said he would try to work around it. But we got into an argument as I said seems our relationship is just being neglected and his mates seem to think he can do what he wants.
So in the end we had a massive row (text) and I cancelled my driving lesson as he keeps moaning about driving through. He called me childish and his words were "well maybe you should forget about next weekend as well if you're gonna be so childish",
Next weekend is my sister's hen party and he's meant to be having his son.
So now we have both not spoken since Friday and Saturday night he went the cinema with his friends and we didn't go the viewing yesterday. He hasn't even been in contact since not even for his son. He hasn't seen his son since Tuesday last week or me.
He has this thing where he won't contact not even for his son.
I guess I'm just looking for other people's input and what they think about this.
I know I've had enough now but it hurts that his son hasn't done anything wrong and he can go days without contact or even asking how he is.
Sorry it's so long. It's my first post.

So are you together now then? Or split up and arguing? Sorry, couldn't quite follow.

You are not and should not be a couple. Formalise access and move on with your life.

@hensandRabbits.
We are together but living separately at the moment. He has found a place and wants us to move in. Which I'm hesitant with everything that has happened. I've said I want to build on relationship first and then in the near future we will see. He also agreed to this but he wanted me to see the place and have a say.
We would be taking turns staying at each others place and kinda dating again.

Could you please give me some more input of what you mean?

This man is not good for you
Make formal access arrangements and maintenance payments for your son.
And move on with your life.

Police were involved - this is not what you should aspire to in a relationship
He doesn't respect you
Don't settle for this

He just doesnt sound that nice... or organised or a good father or even into you at all. Basically, I can see why you have had enough. And that's before the violence. Read your original post, he sounds awful. You are already managing very well alone....

sorry but your DS should be the priority in all this..

I agree with the previous poster. Formalise access.. Stop the family days out because everytime this breaks down it is your DS that suffers.

Yes I agree 💯
He's done nothing wrong. I just don't understand why he can't make arrangements and stick to them .
Not even to contact about how he is . I can't be the only one I who thinks that's wrong ?
If this his is effort to keep me as his partner he's doing it all wrong.
Fair enough don't contact me but keep arrangements for his son

He's abusive, he will use any means he can to control and belittle and disrespect you, he doesn't care if his son suffers, he's making a point.

Run for the hills, do not move in with him, do not even date him. He's violent and abusive.

When you are with him do you feel totally relaxed and able to totally be yourself? Or do you have a slight knot in your stomach and feel the need to think things through before you say them to make sure you're not annoying him by saying the wrong thing?

There are no boundaries. Nothing is clear. It seems the you see the time he spends with your DS as time he should be spending with you as well.

He doesn't stay over, you argue a lot, the police have been involved because of domestic violence. You can be civil, so use that to formalise access and maintenance (an agreement in writing or through CMS/solicitors) and both of you get on with your own lives as single people who co-parent.

No. I do not see that way.

I have made it very clear he needs one and one time with DS without me.
We have only done family days because we are trying to make it work as a couple. Which is actually failing so I have now washed my hand off him.
Yet he doesn't contact to make arrangements for his DS. Which is quite clear from past arguments and no contact to this recent one and day 3 still no contact.

This is why contact need to be formalised. I have no idea if he cares about your DS or not, or he is simply seeing him to see/ control you. It seems a big co incidence you have a big night out. He stops contact.

Unless he works shifts..Contact him..We need to formalise contact..DS would be available on .... for ..... If you would like to come up with an alternative plan then contact me.

If this is about you the best way to deal with this is to stop caring. My Ex only saw my DS to see me. By the point I refuses to debate anything, if he failed to turn up I simply said ok..See you in a fortnight. logged it and got on with my weekend. He eventually dropped contact, after another attempt to drag me in.

Do not let him know if you have any nights out / plans if he has your DS.

Thanks for replying.
My head is just a little confused now.
I care a love my son's father but I can't be treated like this and I know we need to end of nothing changes. Which quite clearly it isn't.
Right now I am coping fine on my own but it's hard work as I moved from Scotland to be with him and so all his family could be a part of DS life. But they haven't even been near to see him or me or contacted me to see if I am ok after everything.

DS dad doesn't work shifts he works Monday to Friday, yet he's saying Sundays are all he can do right now. Which is not the case as he's free on Saturdays as well. He is waiting to move into his new place so he can have DS stay over and make proper arrangements.
While this is all going on we have been trying to work things out. Which is why he was meant to be looking after DS abs staying here. But now we have argument he's now saying he's not. Which is not only punishing me but also his DS.
I have now purchased tickets for my dad to come up to Manchester from London to watch DS.
As all my family are on this hen party with me.

This is ridiculous