I'm depressed and lonely. I need him back

[user128057]

I posted on here a few weeks ago about how I'd spilt up with my long term boyfriend. I had been supporting him financially and he had been verbally abusive to me (calling me a fucking dickhead, a fucking bitch and telling me I needed to grow up).

Fast forward to now and I'm in an incredibly bad state of mind. I've never been this bad in my life. I constantly cry when I'm on my own but have been pretending everything is completely ok. The few people that know the situation don't really know what to say or do. It's all really awkward.

He has been texting me (haven't heard anything for a few days) begging me to take him back. I made it clear that won't be happening, that both of us need some kind of help. I felt proud of myself at the time because in the past I've always forgave him.

Now though I feel incredibly lonely and incredibly guilty that I've left him to struggle financially because family members won't help. I miss him despite everything. He was the only person who saw past my disability (I'm in a wheelchair).

I've joined plenty of fish in the hope I'd make some friends which obviously hasn't gone to plan because nobody speaks.

I just can't cope anymore with anything. I just want to a nice life and happiness. I'm fed up of constantly pretending I'm ok to everyone when I'm destroyed and hurting so much.

Thank you for reading

If you want a nice life and happiness you need to stay strong, dig deep and not take him back. Maybe it'd be good to join some sort of club or evening class to meet some different people?

I remember your other thread OP. Well done for making the break. I don't think POF is the right place to start looking for friendships. Evening classes is a good idea from Megan. Try to get out and meet people rather than hiding behind your screen. It will give you bags more confidence

I wouldn't have a clue where to join an evening class or even what I'd like to do. I'd rather meet people in real life than on sites like pof. Even just to get out the house for an evening would probably help a bit

OP: it gets easier, I left a 21 year relationship 6 months ago but still have contact because of the kids. He is still abusive at times, when it suits. The oush and pull of the nice/ nasty behavior is not easy to cope with. If you have no ties, go cold turkey. You are grieving the end of a relationship so it is normal to feel like this. it is also normal to want him back, but it wasn't healthy. It is not a good relationship.

Have you thought about therapy? I haven't but probably should. Friends help and just general contact with people.

How about a voluntary organisation? A soup kitchen, a food bank or something, make you feel good and you'll meet nice people....

Try the MeetUp app? It's a way to meet up with people local to you, often with a hobby or interest in common, but some are just general social meetups.
The good thing is it's not to find a partner, just to get out of the house and meet people.
www.meetup.com
And definitely hold firm and stay away from your ex. You've done a lot of the hardest bit. You deserve better than to be treated like that. Keep going.

Well done on making the break! You need to stay strong. Find some things to do. Have you thought of the WI? Apparently it's shed its frumpiness these days or how about looking on meetup.com, for book groups or theatre trips or something else you are keen on. Don't worry about your ex, he doesn't deserve it.

Thank you pudding. I am very much considering therapy. I know I need some kind of help. It's something I need tbh. I like the sound of doing some type of voluntary work like you mentioned. I work but only part time so might be a good idea to find something like that to fill my time with so I'm not sat at home thinking about things.

I have tried meet up but doesn't seem to be a lot going on within the area I live which is a shame but I shall keep looking.

I just googled 'adult education near me' and the local college came up. Scrolling through there is all sorts of weekly classes: cooking, managing stress, collaging etc. Depends on where you live of course, but that could be a start.

How are you getting on, OP?