Can't get over my exh
14 months ago my husband was arrested for threatening me and shoving me in front of our children. He told me he wanted to get help and try again, was really sorry etc. This me at I didn't testify and he was found not guilty. Not long after he then ended the marriage saying he was scared he might do it again and didn't want to hurt me or the kids and would never have another relationship. This really hurt me but I accepted it until I found out he was looking for women on a dating website. Everything he said was just so I wouldn't testify and he now blame me for the problems in our marriage saying I wasn't happy and my drinking was a major factor.
I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar 2 so this now explains my drinking and sometimes wild behaviour. Exh was never supportive, he used to encourage me to go out drinking, lending me money then shouting at me the n next day. I know I wasn't easy to live with but he was hardly ever home, did nothing to help with the kids and just sat on his phone ignoring me when he wasnt at work.
He was verbally and emotionally abusive, called me horrible names and often treated me like a child (tried) to send me to my room a few times!) he also tells people I stole money off him to fund my drinking which I find very distressing as it's not true.
I am still really struggling with all this, being left with 2 young children to look after, dealing with the effect of the abuse and trying to accept that he never really loved me.
The problem is I still miss him, I am crushed that he is looking for someone else, am having horrible dreams about him and feel miserable all the time. I am having counselling and soon will have hypnotherapy but I can't understand why I still have feelings for and Miss my ex after everything he did to me. I feel I should be getting over him by now and I see other people coping so much better than I am and moving on with someone else and I really wish I was in that position. I'm fed up of feeling so miserable and am worried I'm affecting my children with my constant crying and low (often irritable) mood.
I guess I just want to know how others have survived and if anyone else took so long to get over an ex?