How did you find out your partner/ husband was gay or meeting men for sex

[xxdriftwoodxx]

Hi
I was wondering how other ladies found out the men in their lives were gay or had been meeting other men behind their backs.
How did you both deal with the situation, how did you feel, what was the outcome ?

Looking back, what were the signs?

My partner swears he isn't gay. He's not interested in sex with me but says he is, he's under pressure from me.
In the past I caught him out meeting male strangers , putting himself at risk in many ways.
We got back together but it's not working, it's impossible for us in my eyes.
I wonder what signs I missed previously to finding a message on his phone cancelling a meeting as I came home early.
my partner met men dressed as women mainly but had started to see men as men.
He swears he's not gay and he has had sex addiction previously due to the stress in his job.
I know there are many others who've been in my shoes, and kept quiet to protect our men, what was your experience ?

OP, you've had several threads in the past about your partner. He's been meeting guys for (at least) oral sex.

Of course it's not working. I don't know why you got back together!

If you hadn't posted here before I'd have suspected you of being a journalist, quite honestly. Why does it matter how OTHERS found out their partners were gay or meeting guys for sex? Why does looking back for signs help?

Just call time on this sham of a relationship and find a guy who actually wants to shag you because a) he loves you and b) he enjoys shagging women.

This is at least the third thread you've started op. You've been advised many times that you're partner is clearly gay, but continue to deny, or remain ignorant in the hope he'll suddenly change his mind. Sorry to sound harsh but ffs wake up and stop being his cover story.

I haven't seen the previous threads that pps have referred to, but I don't need to - you know that your partner is meeting other men for sex. That's enough surely? What do you think others can help you with? Sex addiction is a) a bullshit excuse for cheating and b) not something that changes your sexual preferences. He's either gay or bi. If he's gay he's not into you and if he bi he doesn't seem that into you anymore either according to your post. I'd gather what self-respect you have left and end this thing if I were you.

You're his beard.
Good luck with that.

The only good outcome here is for you to accept that your relationship is probably designed to protect your partner from having to admit that he is gay.

He is cheating on you. Honestly the fact that it's with men isn't even that important. He seems to be telling you that he is not planning on stopping the cheating too.

He doesn't want to have sex with you.

So... really there's nothing here for you. Unless you want to not have sex, know that your partner doesn't desire you, etc.? And just carry on with it?

I mean, you could. You do then need to accept that he is likely, at some point, to be ready to come out of the closet, at which time you'll find yourself on your ear having wasted your love and devotion on someone who was simply using you as cover.

Hi
I was genuinely interested in how other ladies had coped,signs they'd noticed before.
I'm sorry if it seems I'm dwelling on something , which I am not it's just that when I look back I can see certain signs and I honestly wondered what else I missed.
Yes I agree about any outcome, my move is being planned and not an issue, I've come to terms with my situation after the helpful advice I received.
In my closing chapter on reflecting on my time with my partner I wondered how other people in a similar situation saw things.
At the same time, coming back for some clarity isn't a bad thing, some of us just need to talk when I the real world this isn't a subject I can openly talk to my friends or family about, it's something I have to keep to myself Unlike if my partner had an affair with a female I could have been open about that , it seems I too have to keep this under wraps in the real world and somewhere like this is the only place I can look for information to understand my situation with out knowing who I am.
That's what happens when someone is in the closet, even I can't betray him, so forgive me but many ladies in my situation have to keep what's happening to them a secret, and keep smiling. Hence asking how others coped in this situation.

Yes advised.
As I've said, many of us who find ourselves with male partners who prefer male company when still in the closet we keep our issues private from people we know..,,,,,we have to live this in secret.
If my partner had an affair with a female I could openly talk about how I'd been wronged....... this I can't discuss....,,, I am a closet beard.
We can't pour our hearts out to others, we have to find places like this..... the unable to share means we doubt ourselves.
There are so many women in my situation who have to live in total silence , their nearest and dearest haven't a clue what they are putting up with.'
Those of you In NORMAL relationships who post tie counselling threads to situations you can't possibly empathise with,,,,,, understand women who's partners are in the closet, won't be betrayed by us,,,,, we ourselves though need support as we've live our lives not yelling a soul. Mumsnet supports all,,,,, the silent people find solace in mumsnet as OUR ONLY PLACE WE CAN DUSCUSS IN ANINIMINTY OUR SITUATIINS..... we protect others not ourselves .........'
Think of those worse than yourself