He assaulted me

[Movingon1611]

Yesterday my stbxh who I have posted about a fair bit assaulted me.

He was arrested, interviewed and held overnight while CPS decided what to do.

They've decided to do nothing, he's denied laying a finger on me. So despite photos of my bruises, an audio recording of part of the incident and a statement from a neighbour who heard bits of it- nothing is happening.
I feel broken, like they've believed him over me. I don't know what to do now, the police left a voicemail telling me they'd let him go and no further action was being taken.
Told me I shouldn't have sworn at stbxh in the audio recording as the kids were in the house.
Feel like I'm not enough of a "victim" because I tried to fight back.
My poor kids heard and saw so much, how do I help them when all I want to do is lie in bed and cry?

You take your evidence to a solicitor and get legal advice as to how to proceed. You have been assaulted and have legal redress to take the matter further.
Don't get tearful, get bloody angry and show your children that you will not be cast in the role of a victim who has no control over her life.
Stay strong. This too will pass.

Contact Womens Aid and ask about getting a restraining order.
See what they say about it and what you can do next.
They should have some advice for you.

So sorry this happened to you.
Authorities bleat on about taking DV seriously and all that, but not much changes.
It's so frustrating.
See what WA say and take it from there.

I second Woman's Aid- they are fantastic.

Are you and your children safe?

Yes we're safe I believe.

I've rung women's aid and had to leave a message. I've also rung the police and asked someone to call
me lack and explain- most of my bruising hadn't come through when they took the photos

I feel really let down, how can just his word be enough when I have photos, a recording and a neighbours statements?

Bloody hell. The CPS were all over my assault like white in rice - which shocked me because I was expecting similar to your experience.

Get yourself to a DV solicitor - the civil route will likely get you a non-mol order.

I'm so sorry they treated you so shabbily. There is a long way to go with DV and the appropriate response from the authorities.

Absolutely. Find a solicitor asap.

Sounds to me like you should be complaining about the police. They told you off for swearing? They can fuck right off.

My dd had much less evidence than you have. Her ex was arrested, and released on police bail with the condition that he did not try to contact her or any of her family and friends. He broke the bail immediately, and was arrested and kept in custody until he appeared in court the next day.

It sounds as if you have been treated outrageously.

I'm really shocked that they have responded in that way. Telling you off for swearing is just unbelievable. I'm so sorry you have been dismissed. I understand how you feel as had a similar kind of experience with the police recently and I made a formal complaint, which made me feel a lot better. Especially when the police admitted they were wrong and said they could re-open the case.

The National Centre for Domestic Violence should be able to help you with a non-molestation order.

I hope the police call you back quickly and you get some answers.

The police read me his statement- he said the children were not in the house at the time, they were, I wish they weren't
He said he has no idea how I have bruising on my arms or chin because he didn't touch me
He said he didn't strangle me- I now have a bruise on my neck that suggests otherwise
He said he didn't kick me although you can hear him do it on the audio

He emailed me last night and said the police had agreed with him that it was "creepy" my phone passcode was his birthday- I had it as that because I thought it was the last thing he'd think it would be and he has always had a penchant for going through my phone.
They apparently also offered him to make a sexual assault claim against me because I'd grabbed his balls to try and make him uncomfortable enough to let go of my phone and give it back. I told the police I'd done it and they never said it could be something he could do.

I asked for a victims right to review of my case

But they told you that you shouldn't have sworn because the children in the house- and they are now saying that the children weren't in the house?

I feel like they've put it down as tit for tat rather than him on me because I tried to fight back, because I swore at him on the recording I'm not meek enough to be a proper "victim"

If he hadn't snatched my phone I wouldn't have had to try and get it back and none of this would have happened
Yes I scratched his arm and yes I hit him but only to try and get him off me. I ache all over, can't move my neck, can't stand up straight, but those aren't things you can take a photo of

Exactly! But because he denies they were in the house and there were no other adults to confirm my version vs his that's why they're not taking it further

Don't listen to his email he's just trying to get at you. Go to a solicitor, stop all contact and make him take you to court. Then cafcass will get involved and assess his safety around the kids.

What Chilly said. You need to go to a solicitor today.

Get a solicitor and quick. You need them to look at all angles especially non mol or occupation orders.

Call the police and say you are seeing a solicitor and intended to make a complaint and discuss why there are no charges being brought. You have a right to do this and a right of reply

Don't dwell on his bs about being offered chances to charge, abusers generally make up this sort of codswollop as they are fantasists.

Make sure your bruises are photographed again if they are developing.

Sorry you are going through this and 💐

Also, try to get to your GP today and get your injuries logged.
Take it further with the police.
CPS if needs be.
Tell them you want to raise a grievance.
Good luck. He should NOT get away with this.

I tried to go to the gp yesterday but they didn't want to see me if the kids would be there and there was no one to have the kids so I could go

So you were put off by the receptionist?

How old are the children?

No I spoke to the gp on the phone and he said there wasn't anything they could do and that the kids shouldn't be there.

Kids are 9 and 3

Blimey.

Ring again and just make an appointment. Don't tell them what for.Take a screen and leave the children in the waiting room-bribing the 9 year old to watch something appropriate for the 3 year old.

Saw the gp today. She made a log of all my injuries but said so it's just bruising nothing broken.
I'm sure it's my own insecurity about the whole thing but I feel very dismissed like I've not been weak and meek enough to count as a victim.
Social services are now involved too. Stbxh is not allowed to see our DC as we have no one who can be present for handover of care.
They have also spoken to his new girlfriend and told her that she will also be assessed as she won't break up with him.
He says my false allegations are ruining his life, her life and our children's lives.
I haven't responded to his email but would love to point out that social services wouldn't be involved if it was a false allegation

Well done you! You were super brace and did the right thing by getting the go and ss involved! Well done love