Married for 2.5 years and we've not had sex

[AshfordHP]

Hi Ladies,
I'm struggling and need some advice. I've been married for 2.5 years but my husband and i have never had sex. We dated for 2 years and i wanted to wait for marriage before we made love. However, now i look back i can see the warning signs were there even at that stage (he never really had much interest in intimacy and i mistook that for him just keeping his distance to respect my wishes). My husband is a lovely person, and i love him. But i am a virgin nearly 3 years into my marriage. I have tried talking to him, and understand that he is anxious about sex. On the occasions when we have been physical (usually initiated by me) he has trouble maintaining an erection. I have suggested we try some medication but he won't buy any or go to the doctor. I feel like i've missed out, and am feeling resentful, angry and hurt. I don't initiate contact any more and feel lonely and perhaps that somebody else may turn him on more. When we talk about our problem, he suggests if i was happier maybe we'd have sex. I'm 36 and i want a baby. What do i do?

It's not just erectile dysfunction though, which men can have even if they are keen. It's avoiding sex and not being interested at all or wanting to get help, which more suggests either gay or asexual.

Well yes, it can be hard to get aroused with someone you have no sexual interest in at all.

My guess is he is having sex with other people, probably male. But it doesn't really matter: why aren't you talking about this with him?

I would think that having erectile dysfunction can make someone avoid sex though if they know it's not going to work out. It's also a sign of a lack of desire (if it's psychological rather than physiological), but that doesn't necessarily indicate homosexuality, does it? Couldn't it be a low sex drive or interest in something a bit different that he can't get within his relationship?

(I don't really believe in asexuality, only that some people have problems in expressing their sexuality, which man probably does, unless he's not being honest about what turns him on).

It's the lack of intimacy and the refusal to look at any remedies at all that indicate more that he's gay. If he had ED but an interest that would be different.

notever - I presume OP has already talked to her DH and got some answers that weren't very useful.

Yes but it's been 2.5 years, how is this not a much bigger topic of conversation? As in, daily?
How long are you going to live like this, OP?

"It's the lack of intimacy and the refusal to look at any remedies at all that indicate more that he's gay. "

Based only on MN and other Internet forums, it seems pretty common to me for men with these problems to refuse to address them, much more common than in women. I suppose lack of libido is more taboo in men so going to a doctor or a therapist might be more difficult and they may think that a woman should just cope without whereas a woman in the same boat wouldn't expect that of a man.

Reported the above post...

Ava is busy tonight. Posting this crap on multiple threads.

I know... she seems very thorough

Hi OP, I've sent you a private message.