Hello MNers
First post here. Asking you to help me make sense of things in my marriage.
Me - SAHM of one with another on the way. Used to work full time, cut down my hours to part time until eft the job.
DH - works in a high pressure job with long hours and frequent travel. Cares for his parents who live about 15mins away when he gets some free time. He's very attached to them and is the perfect son anyone could ask for. His father was diagnosed with a chronic illness and his health is gradually deteriorating. DH is very close to his father and the diagnonis crushed him. Each time his dad's health takes a turn for the worse it affects DH greatly.
DH comes from a large family and does everything he could to be there for his siblings, whether that be financially or emotional support. His family are very lovely and I've struck it lucky with the in laws I have. Lately there have been many issues with his siblings and he's had to deal with problem after problem. His siblings don't expect him to step in and have never asked him for a penny in help, but DH can't help but feel obligated to help out as he's doing better financially compared to them. They're very grateful for all the support they receive and like I said they're lovely people to be around.
This is where my marriage comes in. As a result of all the emotional load that DH is taking on and his job, he's always tired when he comes home and literally crashes on the sofa. The evening is spent in superficial conversation about the day, etc., and then each person retreats into their own little worlds. I'm desperate for some kind of interaction with him but he finds it easier to spend time in front on t.v. and count down the minutes till bed time. I'm not much of a tv person, and even those evenings that I want to watch something with him he prefers to sit in silence. I can't remember the last time we've gone to bed together. Sex life is non existent. A real, meaningful connection between us is not there anymore.
He spends Saturdays at his parents' place, running errands for them and generally catching up with them. Sundays are 'his' days which he says he needs to reset to carry on into the next week. He doesn't spend much time with our DD as he's always says he's tired and struggles to find the energy to get out of the door. I've long suspected underlying mental health issues but he dismisses it and has never wanted to speak to his gp about it.
I'm genuinely torn between wanting to continually be there for him through what is obviously a difficult period, and wanting a fulfilling marriage at the same time. I don't want to make this just about me. We've been having many arguments lately and i feel that communication between us has broken down to the extent that I'm not even sure about how to bring it up without him thinking that I'm dismissing all the family issues he's dealing with on a daily basis.
Sorry about the long post didn't want to drip feed. I guess it's easier putting my feelings out there and sharing it than keeping it all inside, as I really don't have anyone to talk to about this.