Has anyone learned to be more "touchy feely"?

[museumum]

I live my dh, I really do. But I've never been a big touchy feely person. I see couples in social family situations (we all have young kids) who are lovely with the gently touching and "checking in", they seem so connected, can I learn to be that if it doesn't come naturally?

Love. Not live!!!

No idea but watching with interest as I need to master it too. I think because I don't feel like I need that kind of attention, that it doesn't occur to me to do it. Dh does often complain about it. And prob rightly so. Just never occurs to me so when we I do it it feels forced and fake

I don't really crave it myself but I see others do it and I think it's nice.
But no idea how to go about making it a habit / natural thing.

My suggestion- FWIW - Take a look at 'languages of love' maybe - and learn to express your feelings physically a bit more? Dance to music too! It will help.

I've always been "too" independent- pretty sure my parents struggled with it too.

I'm lucky in that DH is as non-tactile as I am. We're compatible in our inability to show public displays of affection :o. I don't know if you can learn it tbh.

I honestly believe this sort of thing is an interplay of childhood stuff (i.e. whether you were cuddled a lot as a baby) and hormones that are naturally present in your body. I don't really think you can affect much of a change.

The only thing that comes to mind is doing a habit change regime. Where you discipline yourself to touch the other person x number of times a day, especially if you touch skin to skin in the dark as that triggers oxytocin (the cuddle hormone). That way you desensitize to any unusual emotions around it, and you'd release more and more oxytocin and become a bit addicted to it. In theory if you could stick to it, that might make you more of a toucher.

I love physical affection. Not all the time but just now and again. Maybe one quick hand hold on a night out. My best friend is the opposite. She really struggles with it. That stems from childhood issues. She's been trying to change to make her DH a bit happier but it's not coming naturally at all and they are just having to accept they're different in this way

Interesting. I'm totally un touchy-feely and DH often grumbles about this. After 25 years together with DH I really don't feel the need for random little spontaneous displays of affection and he apparently does. Yesterday DH kissed the back of my neck while I was washing up, making me jump out of my skin and I yelped 'Get OFF me!' I think I need some of that Habit Change training that Stamp mentions.

Reading this it sounds like it's more often a female Non Touchy feeler and a male who wants the TFs.

I haven't. DH, friends and family all know that I'm not a huge fan of hugging, kissing etc. especially PDAs.

Haffdonga That would be my exact reaction if DH did that

My husband stokes my feet most night and will brush by me when we're at home or hold my hand or kiss me at times. In saying that I am more touchy feeling that's he is and have no issue with pda and need a lot of love which I give in return.

We don't talk as much as other couples though as he's quite intelligent nows a lot of crap and I dont and when we do get to spend time together where tired or talk a lot about the kids.

Thank goodness it's not just me!! My h is far more touchy feely, whereas I like the 2nd sofa to myself and don't particularly go in for hand holding etc. My parents were very touch feely to the extent of being embarrassing (and then had affairs and got divorced) I'm sure something mentally in me triggered with all that !! I honestly thought I was pretty unique with this as I'm told it's not normal

right, i've downloaded the love languages book on kindle (won't really work if dh sees me reading it) and i've decided to start with the things we often but not always do and making them more often/always - such as kisses and cuddles on leaving/arriving home or meeting up. we've got lazy with this lately i think.

I struggle with this too. As a child I was never really hugged or kissed or told I was loved. Not saying I had a bad childhood, this is just the way it was.

With my children I show them constant love and affection. I've told them I love them a million times already today (slight exaggeration there) but they've been away with their dad and now they are back home they've had nothing but cuddles, kisses and me telling them how much I love them and have missed them. As a mother, this is totally natural for me. I don't force it. It's the type of mother I want to be. I want to make sure my children know how much I love them.

*However,
*
With my partner (not my children's dad) I am the total opposite. I tell him I love him at the end of every phone call however I never really tell him to his face. I'll text him just to say 'I love you' but I don't say it in the flesh unless he says it first. He is very affectionate constantly. He always holds my hand, cuddles me, I get constant affection from him but it's very rarely initiated from me. It's obviously something that is natural for him but not for me. I can't say he ever mentions me not being as affectionate though. It's not like I pull away when he is being affectionate, I always reciprocate. I just can't be the one to give it.

We would be one of those couples op is taking about where they show affection in front of other people but it will always come from dp. Never me.

I think this just boils down to the fact that I've been hurt so much in the past, cheated on etc - not by dp though. I just can't bring myself to be as affectionate back.

Yesterday DH kissed the back of my neck while I was washing up, making me jump out of my skin and I yelped 'Get OFF me

Hahahaha!! This would be me exactly!