DH and I were doing some marital bonding tonight... answering those 36 questions for falling in love that did the rounds in the New York Times. Things like 'Name 5 things you admire about each other' and 'What would you take from a burning building?' Was quite fun.
We got to 'Most unhappy memory' - I told him mine, which was a serious bought of depression in my late teens that he knows all about. Then he told me his. His cousin forced him to give him oral sex when DH was 8. Cousin was 15 at the time.
He was very obviously upset by this. I had no idea this had happened. We've been married for 4 years and together for 12. I am honestly flabbergasted, he's shown no signs of this whatsoever as long as I have known him.
He said he was ok - like it had dealt with it best he could. I do not believe that he is completely ok - I'm not sure anybody could ever be. His feelings are absolutely repressed. He's completely shut down his memory of the incident, and he says he cannot and does not want to force himself to remember the details. He just knows it happened. He knows that his younger brother knows, but not how. And he is unsure as to what extent his parents know - but he knows he never saw that cousin again after it happened.
What can I do to support him now? Any advice or help would be very appreciated. He's sleeping and I'm in bed next to him riddled with worry.
Thanks in advance.