I just lost my shit. Panic attack? Hysterical

[Realitea]

I'm concerned about my behaviour today. Dh and I have problems, I found out that he'd been messaging a prostitute and joined dating sites. Prior to this I had an affair so we were pretty messed up.
We had counselling and we agreed to start again.
Last night at a party i was getting pretty annoyed with the fact he kept going on about this crude joke that made me uncomfortable.
He thought I was being ridiculous and this morning said he'd had enough and said he just can't be himself with me. After all I bloody went through to give us another go.
I had a panic attack and threw myself on the ground, screaming and shaking. I've never done that before! Then I started throwing stuff (not at him) and yelling for him to leave.
Is this even normal? He's scared now! I think it's anger over what he did and frustration that we can't just move on. We're not staying together now by the way I just want to know what the hell just happened to me.

I had a screaming episide in a bar once after I found out DH had a long term emotional thing 11 years prior , I think sometimes if you keep it in it has to come out and it's often after a drink , don't be cross at yourself, it's your way of letting it out

Goodness, that must have been scary. The pressure obviously got too much. This may be a complete one off but if you are feeling stressed or anxious do see your gp. You need to look after yourself.

Its not great but it happens. I've had two hysterical episodes and they really were a last resort and a loss of control. I think losing it very occasionally is normal its when its first response there is a problem

Phew that's a relief. I've had two episodes like this in my whole life. I have to admit it felt good letting it all out!

I was just thinking about one today that I had years ago. I was like a screaming banshee!

Be kind to yourself OP. It's probably a one off. See your GP if you're struggling.

Sounds more like a tantrum then a panic attack.

Hysterical episodes after a shock as described by pp are different. There doesn't seem to have been much of a trigger today for you op.

If I were you I would have a think about how best to separate from your husband. It doesn't seem like there's anything left to salvage.

Sounds like a temper tantrum.

Do you see a therapist?

I definitely surprise myself with my own anger sometimes. It sounds like you were feeling totally at a loss after putting work into something yet not getting the reward or right outcome from it after all, and sometimes all you can do in that moment is let it out physically. It's probably healthier to do that than be so numb that you can't cry or show how you feel. It's your marriage after all, not something trivial so I can understand the reaction you had.

Perfectly normal when you've had enough.

It's happened to me before and used to occasionally as a teenager under extreme stress. It's like a switch flips and you just go a bit mad for a while. I agree it's shocking and scary for other people and for you too. I think sometimes pressure just builds up to such a pitch that some people react that way.

It does sound as if maybe it's time to call it quits on your marriage though. Sometimes things just can't be fixed and the prostitutes, on top of the fact that he was disrespectful of your feelings at a time he should be doing everything he can to give the relationship a chance, plus your own affair, just don't bode well. I'm not sure how you come back from that, the paying for sex thing in particular, and I think possibly the only way people do is by stuffing down their true feelings for years on end. From what you describe of his behaviour, I can't imagine you have much respect and trust left for him. Much healthier to walk away although I know it's an incredibly tough decision.