Addiction, disability and pregnancy.. Need help and advice

[Wifey1984]

My husband is a gambling addict. He does go to meetings but has relapsed twice in one month recently.
I have a neuropathic condition that causes me fatigue and pain. Have just been referred to a specialist as they think I may have MS. I do struggle day to day with pain and spend a lot of time in bed. I do a physical job however and regularly work 10-15hr days.
Found out I am 4wks pregnant. We don't know what to do. Timing is awful but we understand there is never a perfect time.. but our finances are thin due to husbands recent slip up. My body is going through hell and the headaches/fatigue are debilitating some days. I do not have any trust in my husband now although I do understand that takes time to get back, but I have told him his habit has changed him into a very selfish and angry person. Some days the sweet gentle man is there but it is like he has been taken over by this person I do not recognise some days.
We have booked a provisional appointment for a termination as this is time sensitive and I will not have a surgical one. I would rather go through with the pregnancy. However I like my life how it is at the moment and a child would complicate matters for us both. On the other hand it may make my husband grow up and I would absolutely love to have a baby in my arms at some point in my life and be one a family. I want that so much. Just not sure I'm 'ready yet or that We are ready..
Can someone please give their advice on this? Just want to hear a third persons opinion.

Sorry you're in this position.

What I would say is if you're relying on a baby to make someone grow up you're going down the wrong path. People don't change just because of children. If anything, the tiredness and stress over money being tighter makes problems worse.

Have you thought of having some impartial counselling before your abortion?

On the other hand it may make my husband grow up

Imagine in 20 years time you talking to your DD or DS and them asking you "Mum, why did you decide to have me when my dad is such a useless twat and his addiction led to us being homeless and having to live in shit temporary accommodation and meant I couldn't ever go on any school trips or go to uni?"
And you say "I also gambled, I made a bet with my school that having you would make your dad grow up. Sorry it didn't work."

Yes I know there's other reasons but he's relapsed TWICE in recent months and your physical health is poor. Your marriage is already shaky. Adding a baby to that is like throwing a bomb at it.

Have spoken to a counsellor this week but I feel nine the wiser. I do understand that and certainly wouldn't rely on it to fix our problems. I feel like im living a nightmare and think I've had a bit of a breakdown recently as I just cannot think or cope.

Sorry I think that line in my original post has been read wrong - I never meant it to mean that at all.

Sorry, using "rely on" was too strong from me, but I just wanted you to know that having a baby may make him grow up but it's much more likely it'll just amplify the problems in your relationship.

Could you cope as a single mum?

I do have control of our finances now and everything goes into one account.. mine. So if he want to do anything with the pocket money I give him.. well that's his loss not mine as he won't get any more.
He does my head in.. it defies logic and I just hate it. He does too. The guilt afterwards consumes him. He gets no sympathy from me however much I love him.
My heart want to carry on but my gut is saying not now. I just don't want to regret this as my mother had an early menopause at 37 and I am in my thirties.
I honestly do not know. I couldn't do my job and be a single parent. My parents would help as much as they could but have lives of their own too. I don't have anyone else apart from a few close friends.

Sorry you are in this position - only you can make the decision. I'd think very hard about bringing a child into a world where one parent is a gambling addict and the other potentially too ill to work - children are expensive as well as emotionally demanding.

This would be a terrible situation to bring a baby into. Babies don't solve problems, they bring problems.
Please don't make the age old mistake of thinking fatherhood will cure a man of his uselessness. It won't, it will heighten every problem you already have and then you'll be one of the legions of women on here unable to leave their disfunctional relationship because 'the baby loves him'.

Your husband is an addict who has recently relapsed and your description of him doesn't exactly portray him as a great guy even without the gambling. You cannot trust him to put the needs of you and a child first. The likelihood is that your relationship will not survive. If you aren't prepared to raise this baby as a single parent sooner or later then termination is your only option because I honestly can't see this man becoming a reformed character.