I am scared of hating my new life

[riverotter]

On the outside that probably seems ridiculous. Things are pretty bad round here. Part of me doesn't want to leave as I am worried about unsupervised contact round the children.

But another pressing fear is how awfully and starkly alone I would be.

I just don't know if that is what I want?

Major life changes will always be nerve wracking. Why do you need to leave?

Maybe I don't.

I should but there is so much going on in my head.

He's rough during sex, won't accept I don't like some stuff, cheats, lies!

There's nothing worse than being in a relationship and feeling alone though.
Things can only get better surely ?

It's not easy making the decision to leave.you have to be (me) mentally atrong enough..and when you decide ,if there's kids how do you support them finically alone..how do you pay the whopping mortgage,if you sell up, you have to move somewhere cheaper,when two are doing exams?? New schools in exam year? Is that fair.....so I understand yes it's hard

Strong

Being alone and peaceful is so much better than wasting a life with someone in an awful relationship. I wasted many years and was terrified of leaving. It was hard, but when the time came to sign the decree nisi, I actually danced down the street outside the solicitor's office.

You can do it.

Well done high seas..good for you..I wish I could do the same...I've not worked in 20 yrs.ive a disabled adult son im a career for.plus 3 other dependents and a whopping mortgage.not always so easy

River otter,could you do a list,for and against?.. is he always bad?are there enough good times to try and make changes?

There have been many good times but lately he's been awful.

He's rough during sex, won't accept I don't like some stuff, cheats, lies

He doesn't have any respect for you OP, you can't carry on life with someone like him.

Of course things will be running through your head at phenomenal spead - the man who you married has abused you sexually & emotionally - when he enters the bedroom you'll know that your boundaries and wishes will be bypassed/ignored - after a time it will become your norm - because he's made you feel you are not worth being treated better.

The unknown will be frightening - this man over the years has systematically broken you down - he's chipped away at your self-respect and esteem .

Of course he'll make the effort now and again - that's what gives you hope and keeps you ensnared.

I think you know that it's make or break time - personally - I think crossing that bridge won't be half as frightening as you imagine? - Tiny steps - one foot in front of the other - before you know it - there will be enough space to see what you've just left behind with clarity.

My advice - FWIW - get yourself some legal advice - visit your local CAB office and see what benefits you could potentially claim.

Better to get your ducks in a row first - if you feel in immediate danger? - fuck the ducks and get yourself to safety!