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Original poster

not communicating

14 replies

hoopmatrix · 11/08/2017 20:42

Hi there, hope everyone is ok. Just looking for some info please!!?? My OH is muslim and I'm non-practising Christian. When discussing how we would name our children we struggled. He wanted Muslim names and I agreed if we could have English middle names. It took some time for him to accept this, but he did. We have DD who is 3 and another one on the way a boy. We had no trouble with out dd names. More tricky now. He now says we won't; have a middle name for our son as its not done for boys??!!! I said this isn't what we agreed before. The more he digs his heels in the more I dig mine in. Any thoughts please??? thanks x

OP posts:
Justdontknow4321 · 11/08/2017 21:24

He already agreed, he can't just back out because this is a boy.
How about you change your mind and decide you want an English name as a first name and he can have a second name which is Muslim. I bet he wouldn't agree to that at all and would be rather angry. It's unfair for him to change the posts once you have agreed

PollytheDolly · 11/08/2017 21:26

Well he can't pick and choose what's "done" for Muslims now. He married a Christian. You've met halfway and so should he.

Original poster
hoopmatrix · 11/08/2017 21:32

thanks for your replies. This just happened today, i am struggling find the energy to even discuss it with him. Feel very low at the moment and emotionally exhausted with everything :(

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 11/08/2017 21:33

OP he is right. They take two names only. If you are planning on the children being brought up in his faith then you might want to go with it but pick a name like Issa for example. I know you aren't religious but it's a nod to your background. Just a suggestion (as another non practising Christian who had a kid with a Muslim)

TennisAtXmas · 11/08/2017 21:38

Yes, I think rather than falling out over it, you could try to find a first name that you both like (and if there is no middle name, he should accept that you both have to love the one and only name).

SabineUndine · 11/08/2017 21:44

I'd be asking why this didn't come up earlier. He hasn't been honest with you. I don't see why your son can't be registered with a middle name but not use it for religious purposes.

TennisAtXmas · 11/08/2017 21:45

From a v quick look 'Alan' and 'Antony' are listed as Muslim names...so there may be common ground to be found:
www.muslimnames.info/baby-boys/islamic-boys-names-28/

Original poster
hoopmatrix · 11/08/2017 21:54

Jeaux90 - just to say that our dd has a non-muslim middle name - there wasn't a problem with this, so don't understand why its different with a boy? we had so much trouble with this topic in the past and in the end agreed english middle names (should we have any children) and now this! I am more than happy to have a muslim/arabic first name and I'm sure we can find a nice one, but to go back on the middle name is annoying me.............. and I know myself - the more he is stubborn the more I will be too!

OP posts:
Original poster
hoopmatrix · 11/08/2017 21:55

Thanks for the links - I will have a look. just no energy and feel very sad.

OP posts:
Nadinexo1 · 11/08/2017 22:15

I don't think it's a religious thing to not have a middle name for a boy. my son has a middle name and is a muslim. my dad is Muslim and has 4 names!

TennisAtXmas · 11/08/2017 23:01

I know you're frustrated, but this is a joyful time, a new baby boy, and he will be lovely, and won't mind how many names he has at all. There are much more difficult things to resolve in life - try not to let this overshadow the birth of your little boy.

jeaux90 · 12/08/2017 07:21

OP because the males carry their given name followed by father's name and then grandfather's name etc so they can have multiple names. Different with girls, they keep their own family name etc.

It depends how traditional you accept things are going to be if it was me i would ask to chose his first name that has a more non muslim implication too like my daughter's.

MujosMama · 12/08/2017 07:43

Where's your husband from OP? Not having a middle name might be a cultural thing but it's not a Muslim thing. My DP is (non practicing) Muslim and we agreed the same - first name is from his language, middle name is my dads. So I do think he is being unreasonable esp as you agreed this and now he's changing the terms, sounds like he is just making an excuse because he doesn't want his son to have an English name which is a bit mean

TheNaze73 · 12/08/2017 08:16

I think it's being totally unreasonable

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