He undoes my hard work

[Naturebabe]

What the hell is going on with him? I will wrestle to get the toddler dressed including nappy and trousers (it's not that warm) and dp will strip off his bottom half again (to toilet train him). I replaced the blown lightbulbs in spotlights the kitchen and he took them straight out again (he said we don't need 5 - yes we do!) I sorted the cutlery draw and he tipped them back out in a big mess. Then I tidied away all the kids toys in the playroom, and whilst I was away he tipped them ALL out to sort them. I came home to a fucking bombsite. He pulls clothes out of cupboards in an attempt to sort them (they don't need it), he loses interest in sorting them, and it ends up looking worse than before. he rearranges household furniture at 3am without asking me where I want it. I cannot stand it. I think he's mentally ill or it's really nasty behaviour to unbalance and upset me (think gaslighting). Advice? It's giving me the rage.

There was a similar thread a little while ago.
Basically he's a disrespectful abusive asshole!
What you do with that information is up to you.
But no way could I live like this.
Could you pick up the kids and leave next time he does something like this.
Tell him you'll come back when the house is back to normal and a standard you are happy with?

He sounds like a complete bellend. What is the point of him?

Is every other part of your relationship such hard work?

I can understand the potty training thing and I suspect he's trying to save on electricity with the bulbs, but some consultation would be courteous.

It sounds like he wants you to end it and is being typically conflict avoidant.

Why don't you asked him if he wants the relationship to be over. If he doesn't, I'm sure he'd be horrified.

Because the more you put up with it, the more he'll do it.

It seems that your opinion means so little to him.

Couldn't be arsed with that. I'm a single parent and my life is way easier than yours by the sounds of it!

He's trying to prove he's in control. Of everything.

I often ask myself what is the point of him. He's high maintenance, hard work and does seem to make my life harder than it should be.

Control.

LTB

Control, in a word! It sounds absolutely exhausting. Knowing that whatever you do, it will be undone again and nothing you do will ever be right. If it is anything like my own experience of this sort of behaviour, slowly but surely, your ability to make a decision will go to pieces because you will be so used to it being overridden that there won't be any point, and you'll be constantly agonising over every potential outcome, what will cause him to be difficult, what he will do...
You can't go on like this. If he won't change you'll have to go, for your own sanity. Is he controlling in other ways too?

That's pure control. Reminds me of something my ex said... "You don't do anything' - not, 'You're a lazy arse you don't do anything' but 'You have no right to do anything at all if I haven't told you to do it.'

Pretty much consensus here that it is a control issue. That's more frightening than some potential OCD issue. He won't leave the space though, and I don't want to either - so it's stalemate :( Thing is I know if I put the cutlery in a cutlery divider (like normal people would) 10 times, he will tip it out 11.....