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Original poster

Off sex, DP pressuring

14 replies

lifesteeth · 29/03/2007 13:10

I have been off sex since I had my 2nd child, most of the time I have no drive at all but I split with my children's dad and was single so it was never really a problem. Anyway I got with someone else and still no sex drive but I made the effort in the beginning. Now however I resent having to do things I don't want to do, he says sex isnt a massive deal but he would "like it now and again at least" but I really don't want to.

He said I should go to the doctor but I don't want to do that either for a number of reasons, first one being that the lack of sex drive doesnt bother me personally and secondly it's embarrasing...thirdly I have more important things on my mind than going to the doctor telling him I have no sex drive!

I think DP thinks I'm being selfish but I'm getting to the point where I think it would be easier to just split up with him then I wouldn't need to worry about it. It's not a hugely serious relationship anyway, it's not as if we live together or have kids together etc... am I being selfish?

He stays here at the weekends and during the week when we talk over the phone or on msn he says things like "can we have some time to ourselves this weekend?" more or less saying "can we have sex this weekend?" and that just irritates me, it sounds so childish.

Am I being out of order?

OP posts:
Original poster
lifesteeth · 29/03/2007 18:31

bump

OP posts:
Swizzler · 29/03/2007 18:33

Hmm - if my partner did this I'd be v unhappy. Think you need to talk to him about it - and talk properly, not just state your respective positions. Sounds like you're being a bit harsh over him asking for time with you -- he may be trying v hard not to pressure you.

IMVHO, sex is an important part of a relationship, but everyone is different.

Swizzler · 29/03/2007 18:34

Sorry, should have made it clear that if my partner wasn't keen on having sex etc. etc.

Ifonlyhewould · 29/03/2007 18:35

Hi

Maybe it's become too much of an issue now. You are always ready for him asking for it, you knwo you don't want it, so immediately your defences are up.
Have you talked to him? I would ask him to back off for a while, not mention it at all. Just show you lots of love and affection and let you be the one to instigate it. Maybe, when you don't feel he is expecting it, you will be able to relax and it might just happen

But there again, i'm no sexpert

melminx · 29/03/2007 18:36

no! my sd takes a nosedive quite a lot but i kind of just go with it! hope dh never sees this! sex ia a major part of a relationship but if you have no desire there why force yourself.

frumpygrumpy · 29/03/2007 18:36

Just wondering, are you on the pill?

melminx · 29/03/2007 18:37

sorry dd hit send is there other issues regarding no sex drive? mines due to serious childbirth problems a dh infidelity

Original poster
lifesteeth · 29/03/2007 18:42

not on the pill...

what annoys me though is that he only stays here on a weekend, he arrives on friday night and we usually get a take-away or have a few drinks, I can't go to bed early due to very dodgy neck, I can only go to bed when I'm ready to sleep, if we do go to bed early for that its over in half an hour, he's snoring his head off within seconds and I'm left lying awake for hours battling with insomnia and my neck pains .

So we don't go to bed early on friday nights, as a compromise I said early morning is probably a better time...but no he's too bloody lazy to wake up or do anything at all before 10am which again due to my neck is well past the time I'm up and dressed etc...

Saturday nights we usually go out and don't come back until late and sunday mornings he's asleep until mid morning.

But he has the cheek to get pissed off at me for getting up early, as if I don't have more to do than lie around in bed until 10/11am when he decides to move his carcass.

As you can probably tell I'm feeling quite bitter about it lol

OP posts:
Mercy · 29/03/2007 18:45

I rarely post on relationship threads, but i have to say that sex is not a major part of a relationship imo, well post children anyway.

Does your partner have children? tbh, I suspect he doesn't, but anyway he doesn't sound very understanding of you or your situation.

moondog · 29/03/2007 18:46

I'd get rid of him.
You don't sound particularly fond of him in any case.

Mercy · 29/03/2007 18:50

Moondog, I think you are probably right actually.

Are you ok, lifesteeth?

Ifonlyhewould · 29/03/2007 19:07

Well if you have offered a compromise, which you have with the early ornings, and he can't be bothered, then he can hardly call you selfish!

seamonstr · 29/03/2007 21:31

Has it occurred to you that your boyfriend doesn't just want you to have sex with him - he wants you to want to have sex with him?

"Oh, alright then, if we must" sex is worse than no sex at all - it's patronising, and it makes him feel like you aren't attracted to him - which, by the sounds of it, you aren't.

If, knowing what all of you do about men, you still think that "sex is no big deal after you've got kids", well.. it doesn't sound like you'll be together very long.

Mercy · 29/03/2007 22:24

I don't think anybody said sex is no big deal after kids, it's just not as important for some women in a relationship (there are psychological and physiological reasons for this imo)

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