Been with my BF for 15 years next week, living together (in his house) for 12 years. I'm 35, he's 39. Was supposed to be getting Married next August, then buying our own place together after selling his.
Before I say all this I want to make it clear I do not care if men watch porn, it has never been an issue with me even before him, I hope people will understand what I am trying to say here but its not him watching porn, its the WAY he is doing it.
6 years ago I suddenly became ill, nobody knew what was wrong with me, I had constant hospital visits, doctors visits, anti biotics, specialists, painkillers etc and I was just getting worse until last year I finally got diagnosed with a chronic illness. I am going to have this for the rest of my life, its getting worse as time is going on, I am in almost constant pain.
I spoke to my BF about it all because I felt I could no longer do certain things anymore (not just sexually) and I felt bad about that, sometimes I could not have sex no matter how much I wanted it because I was in too much pain, we were still having sex around four times a week but any more than that and I just couldn't. He said it was fine and we would get through it all, and if we couldn't have sex sometimes then that was that we couldn't have sex. I would still do other things to him.
He went for a shower once and was still in there over an hour later, walked by to go to the bedroom and heard porn blasting from his phone, started to find nothing but porn and webcam sites all over the computer, turns out he would get up a few hours earlier than me and sit there in silence in the other room and watch it for hours, he looked for porn catering to the things I could no longer do.
One of the biggest triggers to set my illness off is stress, if I get even slightly stressed out, my ilness will get worse until I am in constant pain and will be that way for weeks, which starts the whole thing off again.
He was watching porn at work in his lunch hour, he would say he wasn't tired at night time so he could stay up and watch it, and the thing that did it for me, he found out his mum and dad had gone away on holiday for two weeks, he did not tell me this, instead he saw it as an oppertunity to go there during his lunch breaks to use their laptop to watch porn, I found out about this by pure chance, he left his phone at home one day and he called me from work sounding like he was in a panic and it set alarm bells off in my head.
Looked at his phone and there were a few videos, as soon as I started playing one of them I instantly knew it was my in laws kitchen, the camera zoomed onto their laptop, which had porn playing, then turnred around onto my bf who was masturbating, he had kind of taken videos of himself playing with himself and also got the porn in the background. In his parents kitchen, something about this made me look at him differently.
It all came to a head last night, he keeps going on about how he wants sex to be rougher, fine, fair enough I am interested, the way my illness works is, my symptoms will start, then I will have weeks of pain, it will go away for maybe a day, then come back for another week, then I might be fine for a week, I told him I would be up for trying to be a bit rougher when I feel better, last night, we start to have sex, all is going fine, until he got on top and put his hands around my throat, it was unexpected, I was in pain anyway and I just stopped him, got up, and went to the spare room, he couldn't even respect me when I said yes I am up for it but when I am better and not in pain and he did it anyway.
He did not say a word to me this morning before he left for work, I had a feeling so I turned on the computer and you guessed it, rough porn, two hours worth of it, so now I am sat here in pain, and feeling stressed out that I obviously can no longer give him what he needs.
To be fair to him we did have a great sex life before I became ill, we tried new things, had it about 5 or 6 times a week, and have gone from that to me not being able to do anything at all sometimes and I know its not fair on him but its not like i asked for any of this, its not like I wanted to get a shit illness that has changed everything about my life, I have still not even come to terms with having it, still feeling totally useless and like I can't do anything anymore and instead of him supporting me it feels like the opposite, the things he is doing is making me miserable.
Am I being too sensitive? Is what he is doing ok? am I looking at it all wrong? Going to talk to him when he gets home tonight but need to get my head clear first.