Feel like giving up trying

[Noideawhatelseicando]

I have been with DH nearly 5 years, we have 1 ds and I'm also 7 months pregnant. For the first 3 years me and my dh had a great sex life.
In the last 18 months that has dwindled drastically to the point that if I didn't keep mentioning it, we have gone a couple of months without anything. The problem is I discovered a large amount of porn use during this time. So whilst I was trying to initiate sex he would turn me down but then masturbate to porn.

It all came to a head a couple of monhs ago, I told him it has affected my confidence and self esteem. I feel frumpy, unattractive and fed up. He has since not been on it ( as far as I know) but I'm still the only one most of the time that tries to keep our sex life active.

I'm so sorry to hear of his behaviour, and the impact it is having on your self-confidence, it sounds hugely hurtful.

How did he respond when you told him how he was making you feel, and has he said how he is feeling/why he no longer seems to interested?

He has apologised and said he will never do it again but he has said that before. He said this time it's different because of how I reacted.
His main excuse is he is tired, but this is everyday.Although he does say he is interested. I'm the one that gets up with ds1 in the night and morning, I also don't sleep much due to severe spd/pgp.

I just feel like I'm the one constantly putting in all the effort suggesting new things, getting some toys etc to spice things up so that it's not getting boring.

Don't get me wrong my DH is an amazing partner everywhere else in the relationship, we cuddle up kiss and he is a great dad.

I guess I just feel like he kept replacing me with the porn, sharing his desires and fantasies there but not with me

I don't think the issue is that he watches porn as I'm sure you would be ok with it as long as he preferred sex with you rather than wanking to porn. I think the red flag is that he would rather watch porn, which I don't understand? Have you directly asked him why he would rather watch porn? I'm not surprised your self confidence has gone.

Start making him get up in the night by the way, especially on a weekend, he's a parent too!

I've been through this
My husband 15 years ago and felt exactly like you.
I felt like he cheated and recently read on here one of the sites he was on was also a hook up site I'm sure he didn't do this but il never now.

I was loaded a book about why men like porn i.e. The visual side and also why women fantasise and don't need visual stimulation but can read books like fifty shades of grey and be turned on.

I tried to get my husband to after things had settled to share his fantasise with me he still does this now and as far as I am aware has stopped the porn and we have quite a lot of sex
Considering we're 15 years in.

Worked for us but may not for you but I feel for you this completely destroyed my trust and took a few years to regain it although I'm still not sure I'm there 100 percent or ever will be.

He has tried getting up for ds1 but he won't settle for him. He has always done his fair share of parenting, like I said in my previous post he is a great dad.

I did ask him and what little answers I did get ( he isn't very good at communicating) was that he isn't replacing me and he can't help himself. He agrees that he thinks he is addicted.
The wanking doesn't bother me but the porn does as with a previous partner it went from just porn to cams to dating sites to cheating, so now I'm very wary of it. , although I did offer to watch it together ( this was before I found the most recent views) and he said no he is staying away from it.

I am really struggling to trust him ( although I know he would never cheat). It has really knocked me to the core. I have shared my preferences and fantasies with him, he on the other hand just kept saying that he doesn't know, although at the weekend he finally told me one fantasy.

I'm really glad to hear that your relationship is flourishing after this sort of situation sparklybuttired

I have a similar situation in terms of lack of sex and lack of communication.

My DH doesn't like porn, doesn't seem very fussed by sex, doesn't like oral sex. And when we do eventually do it, it's ....dull.

I have really tried to talk about sex, all of it, but he's just not wired for that kind of sensuality or desire. It has made me inhibited now.

I don't know how to make them talk about sex with openness. I will regret it at some point. 😞

But the fact your DC won't settle for him is just an excuse, surely if he did it more often he would eventually settle for him? I know this is a seperate issue all together but I think it's definitely worth highlighting.

I can see why your trust is gone, it sounds a bit as though porn is easier for him. If he's not adventurous maybe he feels like sex is more of an effort for him.
Either way he's being a selfish partner.