Hi ladies, not sure how to deal with this...wondering if anyone has experience of the same thing...sorry for long post!
My OH and I don't live together yet but he spends several nights a week with me and we've been together coming up 2 years. We have a good sex life and have sex several times a week, in fact almost every time we see each other. I'm very happy with him and love him dearly.
Yesterday evening, OH tried it on and I wasn't up for it. A bit of context: we'd just got in from work after a long journey and were meant to be coming in, getting changed and then heading out for dinner. It was already 7.45pm, I was starving, and dinner was a drive away.
Anyway, it hurt his feelings and he spent the rest of the evening making sarcastic 'jokes' and comments about it, and is still off with me today. This isn't the first time this has happened.
I have looked at it from both sides and I can of course see why he felt hurt - I would probably feel hurt and embarrassed too if I approached him that way and he turned me down - but I definitely know I wouldn't be an arsehole to him all evening and the next day because of it.
I have tried to move on from it, chat normally, be affectionate etc, but he's just not letting it go and going back to normal. If we talk about it directly, he says he's fine, but he's clearly still acting off. I know he'll be fine by the next time I see him, but this isn't the only time this has happened and I'm at a loss to know how to deal with it in the long run as I don't want to keep repeating this pattern.
I feel annoyed and aggrieved by it as I think he's being childish and I know I shouldn't feel pressured into having sex by anybody, but because of his attitude I do often 'just do it' to save myself the grief of going through this sulk.
I love my OH and I know the problem comes from his insecurity as he's a bit older than me and is quite self conscious about his appearance (rather than because he's obsessed with sex or wants me only for that reason) but I obviously can't do anything about that - I can't fix it for him and I can't spend my life just rolling over for him to soothe his ego.
For me, the issue is as simple as sometimes one of us won't be in the mood, and that's fine, end of. For him, the issue is that he's never not in the mood, so me not wanting sex (once!!) makes him feel that I'm not as interested in or attracted to him as he is me. He even said last night that because we don't live together he feels like I shouldn't be 'bored' of him yet....it's ridiculous to me, just because I'm not in the mood on occasion doesn't mean I'm bored of him and it annoys me that he equates the two. Our relationship is much more than sex and it upsets me that because I didn't want to have sex with him when he wanted it he ruined a nice meal out together (at his favourite restaurant!) and has now set a sour tone as we head into a weekend we're spending apart.
I just don't know how to handle it as when we talk about it properly we just go round in circles as he can't get it out of his head that me refusing sex means I don't want him and we end up in this situation, no matter how much reassurance I give him and no matter how happy the rest of our relationship is.
I love him very much and do not want to split up with him, but I'm unsure how to handle this. The only thing I can think of is to just let him ride the sulk out when it happens until he realises me not being in the mood once in a while has no bearing on how much I want to be with him.
What do you think?