AIBU wanting to do this?

[Huldas]

Hi all - I'm an ex pat, living across the world from the UK. My DH was born in the country we now live in. He doesn't get my homesickness. We have enough airpoints for me to get a free return flight to the UK, and I'd like to come home for two weeks next year. We have DC who are all school age, and have plenty of help so would be an ok 2 weeks for DH, he could easily manage. No family left in the UK (all dead) but I just need to be back there and connect. Dream I am home every night, it is a very deep spiritual need to be back. Been 10 years since I was home. Would cost money in terms of food and accom but I am pretty thrifty and would do it all cheaply. And we can easily easily afford it.

DH very reluctant, ultimately I will go whether or not he is happy but AIBU? He doesn't have a specific reason he doesn't want me to go, just a general mither which i think is about him not wanting all the DC care and housework falling to him (even though we have plenty of help). My main gripe is he refuses to put himself in my place and accept/understand how hard it is to be so far from home, and the need to connect. Advice?

I'm an expat at the moment, although we are expecting to return home in a few years.

I completely understand why you'd want to go home.

I would be sitting him down and explaining how vital this was to your happiness. His preference not to do housework for two weeks doesn't trump your well being.

I'm travelling back to the UK next year for a family wedding. We don't have any help here but my DH is happy to quite seriously inconvenience himself in order to facilitate my attendance. He's going to have to totally rearrange his working pattern in order to cover for my absence. This will probably mean he'll have to work long hours every evening.

He actively encouraged me to go as he knows it's important to me.

I'm probably in your time zone right now (on vacation) so thought I'd reply. I understand dh concern; could he be worried that you won't want to come back?! Could you just go for a week.? I hear/feel your pain though, although I love trips away and know the U.K isn't perfect, I'm not sure I could live anywhere else! Can't you guys all go together and have a family vacation?

Thanks all - Cavender on many things my DH is caring like yours, but not on this one and he won't even have to change up his work hours!

Pennina, I am in NZ, hope you are enjoying it here is this is where you are vacationing. V insightful re I might not want to come back. I think that is his secret fear.

We are having a family vacation to the states this year so a family trip to the UK is prob not affordable in 2018. Plus my return is for deeply personal reasons to do with my dad, who has now passed, and I'm not sure I want to share that with anyone. Selfish, but also a necessary part of my grieving I feel.

Do it.
I'm also an expat on the other side of the world from the UK, but one of the "conditions" of me moving over here was that DH would allow and facilitate my return to the UK whenever I needed to go, which he has stuck to.
My first return visit was 6 months after moving over here - I was sooo homesick and I needed some paperwork that I'd accidentally left behind (tax stuff) and my Dad was being hopeless so I just took Ds1 and we went back for 3 weeks. (Go for 3 if you can manage it, not 2 - 2 is hard with jet lag, you barely feel like you've arrived before you have to leave again!)

I've been back every year since and hope to be able to keep on doing that while my Dad is still alive - he's 84 this year, so it won't be forever, and I want my boys to know their grandpa (they don't have one over here).

Your DH is being unreasonable to see your side of this, whatever his fears - it's a very deep-rooted need to touch ground in your homeland for some people, I know.

So yes, go. Please go.

Thanks all. I actually moved here with my UK parents before I met DH, and always bitterly resented my folks for emigrating! And I met DH here. We have lived in the UK together and TBH I should never have agreed to come back here. All my mums family were here at the time so it felt like a logical move, but you live and learn.

I'm a bit over trying to get DH to see my POV on things, but feel better going ahead with my plans to go having checked in here!

Also most expats here claim not to be homesick in the least and to be 'done' with the UK, so it is nice hearing from others who actually do hold some affection for the place

Oh you are a long way from home, I'm in the US right now. I really do sympathise. Can you redirect the US holiday to Europe? I'm sure your Dh must at least be concerned that it will be unsettling (!) I lost my Dad a few years ago so to you. I think you should go. Ideally it would be better as part of s family vacation but I appreciate these things can't always be achieved. Sorry though that you feel this way and that your non unreasonable wish for a trip back home is not straight forward and that you would be possibly travelling with things not quite settled with dh. Xx