This is my first post, I've joined for some advice. Ill try and keep this short!
About 4 months ago, I met a guy and we hit it off pretty much immediately. Started texting and the messages got quite suggestive, only for him then to reveal he was seeing someone. I told him it wasn't appropriate and heard no more from him.
A few weeks later he texts me asking if I'll be at an event (we work in a similar industry) which I am going to. I see him there, he tells me he's ended it with the girlfriend and we go on a date a few days later and kiss. Then end up having a long conversation with him revealing he still loves his ex (might be relevant here that she lives in a different country so was never a 'conventional' relationship, and that she'd previously dumped him when he suggested moving to be with her). I knew I liked him, so told him it wasn't wise for me to get involved and we should leave it, that should have been the end of it but a week later I saw him again and we decided to keep seeing each other.
He repeatedly kept saying that he had feelings for me but still loved her and didn't want a serious relationship, which messed with my head as we had agreed to be exclusive by this point and were seeing each other multiple times a week, cooking dinner together etc, so to all intents and purposes, a relationship. I got fed up with his mixed messages and dumped him again, only to get back with him a week later (I know, I must take responsibility for not just walking away).
Anyway, we then made it 'official' but he was still sending mixed messages - not saying it back when I said something nice to him, contacting his ex all the time and telling her he loved her (I saw a message to that effect pop up on his phone when it was next to me, but never snooped or even asked him to cut contact) and basically making me feel guilty if I questioned how he could say he had feelings for me but also act completely cold and seemingly prioritise her over me.
It came to a head in another argument and he ended it with me, I was incredibly upset despite having been miserable with him because I felt that if he felt enough for me, he would have made an effort to reassure me, make me feel wanted, and not have inappropriate conversations with his ex. After a couple of weeks not speaking we met up and he apologised, said he wanted to take responsibilty for everything and that he was sorry for being such a shit boyfriend, and even attempted to organise a surprise meal for my birthday which I found a bit weird.
Then he told me his ex is coming over to stay with him at the end of the month and she and him will be at an event that I'm also going to (not going is not an option as it's work related). We argued and I said I hope it all goes pear shaped for him, and he said that while I "wish him ill" he can't pursue a friendship with me. I think it's a bit rich for him to expect me to be pleased for him should he reconcile with her and ended up telling him to fuck off.
I don't want to be friends with him, I feel his apologies and attempts to make amends are too little too late, but how on earth am I going to cope at a 3-day event seeing him parading around with her?
Sorry, that was not short at all!