Please bear with me, this is a lengthy post and has taken me a lots of balls to be able to write this down as its just hit me
Like a ton of bricks.
Myself and EXDP have 2 DC under the age of 2 - we spilt up last year and got back together before DD was born.
Everything was going well, or so I thought, I had/have PND and in the thick of it, even basic daily things were a struggle and he had commented a few times that he was unhappy etc he then took DS away for the weekend and dumped me via text message as he had met OW whilst there.
Whilst this was upsetting, I was happier he had text and ended it then carrying on behind my back (not that I condone being dumped by text in any way shape or form)
Anyway, things fizzled out with OW - I learnt, from going through his phone recently - he had been messaging her up to and including his birthday which was at the end of May - slagging me off etc saying how much he hated me etc etc.
What he failed to tell her in these messages was that he has been staying over at my house etc, as it was a big birthday, the kids and I went shopping got him lots of pressies etc (as the way things were going I thought we were working on getting back together) even went out for a family meal and drinks after, it was really lovely.
Since then, he has been staying over more frequently, telling me he loves me etc we have been sharing bills etc and all was going well - or so I thought.
He was then admitted to
Hospital for an emergency operation and left his phone in the room - he kept telling me to leave but something inside me sensed something wasn't right.
I stupidly went through his phone and found messages from a number of different women - some of them
Were only part conversations where some of it had clearly been deleted etc, messages asking other women for photos etc etc
I was absolutely horrified to find this - I know he is probably still messaging these women as he is very secretive with his phone and even sleeps on it at night - but he is still telling me he loves me etc and I just don't know what is stopping me from telling him to get all his shit and go - am happy to arrange contact for him to see the DCs and , whilst I will be devestated, I don't think it will affect me as much this time because mentally I fell stronger now.
He also has admitted to me the reason he gets funny about me going out etc is because he gets jealous and sometimes he's gets angry and upset with me because something will make him think of me and one of my exes and he just sees red.
I know this is not normal
Or healthy and I don't want to continue being treated:used like a doormat - but something inside of me is stopping me from even mentioning anything I know.
Apologies for the essay, just wondered if anyone has any useful advice or wants to give me a big dose of reality to make me see sense