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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I mad? Is it too early?

9 replies

foreverwaiting · 10/08/2017 21:16

Some of you may remember me posting a few months ago about my awful abusive marriage that I couldn't leave, despite getting through medical school etc. I wanted to say thank you for all your kind words at that time. You gave me the strength to open up to people which gave me the strength to tell him to go. It was surprisingly easy in the end and he just went. Some nasty words and threats but no violence as of yet. He's been gone nearly 10 weeks, is in contact with the ds's but not with me.

Here's the thing, and I'd appreciate any advice. A couple of weeks ago I met a guy at my friends wedding. We clicked immediately and ended up sleeping together that night. I really thought it was just a one night stand so was pretty surprised when he asked for my number and I heard from him the next day. We've been chatting on whats app every day. He seems pretty lovely, couldn't be any more different to my stbxh if he tried. I told him about the kids which is a big thing for me considering their 18 and 16 and I'm only 35, and he didn't run away. In fact he's asked me if I want to go on a proper first date to which I have said yes. Here's the problem, he lives about 170 miles away. At the moment I've arranged to go to where he lives the weekend after next, he offered to come to me but I thought it would be too difficult as theres no way I want to risk running in to my kids or my ex. And I'm terrified.

I've never been on an actual date before and I don't know what to talk about. We've covered all the usual jobs/family/interests stuff on whats app already. And is it too early? I've not been separated long. Even though I've had no marriage to speak of either emotionally or physically for at least 8 years. And what do I say if he asks why we split up? I've managed to avoid that so far but can I continue? How soon do you tell someone you like that your ex is an abusive psycho? Is this just a completely mad idea? And could it ever even work in real life when we live so far apart. I know it's only a first date but I can't stop overthinking it!

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 10/08/2017 21:21

I think I can remember you - well done!!!!! I'm so pleased you found the courage to get out. This is what makes MN great!!!

Anyway, don't overthink this - how about you just enjoy it? Do you have to travel 170 miles - why not meet in the middle - somewhere you've always wanted to visit maybe.

Think about it as fun and if it goes further that's a bonus

QuiteLikely5 · 10/08/2017 21:23

Oh and I don't think you need to go into too much detail about your ex at this early stage - just keep it brief if he asks

Other saying experts will be along soon! Smile

foreverwaiting · 10/08/2017 22:16

Thank you!! I agree, its such a good place to just be able to say how you feel and have so many people rallying round! Still can't really believe I did it.

I hadn't really thought about meeting in the middle, that's certainly a possibility. I so just want to enjoy it but my brain is going into overdrive!!

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 10/08/2017 22:20

That should of said dating experts Blush

meltingmarshmallows · 10/08/2017 22:29

I think it sounds lovely so why not go and have a well deserved nice time? Good for you Flowers

horridhenrysdog · 10/08/2017 22:34

How lovely.

Just go and enjoy. Don't over think it. I have a similar story, and it's all turned out brilliantly.

Just listen to your instincts and enjoy it!

Aquamarine1029 · 10/08/2017 23:22

Go, enjoy yourself, and use the lessons you've learned from your past relationship to make good choices.

HipsterAssassin · 10/08/2017 23:36

Keep the details of your ex neutral - 'weren't compatible, relationship was over 8 years ago' don't go into any detail unless it becomes a relationship with long-term potential.

Other than that, go and have fun!

TheNaze73 · 11/08/2017 12:29

Good for you.

Keep it light & have a laugh.

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