Mum's DP and OW

[MooChops89]

Mum has been with her partner for about 15 years now, they have my DSis (11) together. They have a bit of an odd relationship - they don't live together, mum even sometimes says they're not "really" together but they go on holiday as a family every year, not sure if they share a bed but that's none of my business (and I'd rather not know 😂) and they see each other most days. He isn't my dad (I'm 28 and have managed fine without a dad) but is the closest thing I have to that, I get on well with him.
Last year on Facebook he was tagged in a status by another woman talking about how he was her wonderful boyfriend who had taken her away for her birthday. I was a bit confused and not really sure what to do with that information. I thought of asking him about it but never really got round to it.
Anyway 3 months ago she tags him in a status about how they've been together for 2 years and how in love she is with him. He never replies to these statuses. I feel like I should tell my mum but I don't know how to bring it up, I don't want to upset her and break up my sister's parents - but then my mum says they're not really together, I don't want to cause trouble for nothing...
What the bloody hell should I do?? Keep my nose out? Say something? My mum has been messed about by shit men her whole life and I feel awful that I know about this and haven't said anything
Mum's texted me tonight to say he's gone away for the weekend with some friends that she doesn't know and I've got a feeling he's with this other woman and I just feel so sad for my mum.

They may have an open relationship, but I think you should tell her just in case that's not theironing situation.

I was devastated when I discovered my sister had known about my ex sleeping with other women behind my back, but never told me. When I discovered it for myself and she said "oh yeah, I already knew but I didn't want to get involved" I was bewildered and felt somewhat betrayed by her too.

*their (not theironing)

Oh god I would hate it if she found out and realised I knew. It's so hard because I don't want to see her hurt but I also don't want to be the one to hurt her

but then my mum says they're not really together

That's your answer. What would you be breaking up if they don't even live together and have a child.

Sounds like two or people happy with their set up TBH.

Can you not talk to him first? Establish what the parameters of their relationship is? Maybe just him knowing you know, will put the frightners on him and he'll fess up without you having to get further involved. Pretty crap situation altogether though

But what if she's just saying that? I think she would be gutted to know he has had a gf for the last 2 years. It's hard to explain but I think she says that so that if he ever left it would be like "well it's ok because we weren't really together"

I think I am gonna say something to him first. DH thinks I should too

From where I'm standing, the only thing you can do at this stage is confront him about it and see what's what.

There's no use speculating and dwelling on what may be happening and what the nature of your mum's relationship is. For all you know, she may know about the OW if they do indeed have an open relationship as someone suggested above.

Why would she say they aren't really together though?

Them not living together also gives an indication of the nature of their relationship and its not like his GF is hiding the relationship, having it on FB.

I'd be more inclined to say it to the person I was closer to though. I. E. Your mum.

If he tells you they have an arrangement, will you check with your mum? Because you can't take his word for it and either way you'll be wise to mention it her.

Tell her, she's your mum.

I would screen shot some of the status before you say anything, just in case they get deleted after..:

He/OW appear to be very open about it. Not secretive at all. What an odd situation.

I think you should mention it to your mum. She'll either be breezy about it because they're in an open relationship, or she'll be shocked and angry. Either way you'll have done all you can.

Open relationship they may have but I doubt she would have agreed he could go public with another woman. .
Tell your poor dm what you know. .
Or she will likely never forgive you. .

"I don't want to see her hurt but I also don't want to be the one to hurt her"

If this is not an open relationship, you aren't the one hurting her, HE is. Albeit at the moment she is living in ignorant bliss, but these things have a way of coming out eventually.

The hurt will be double-fold for her if she discovers the affair (if that's what it is) for herself and it's been allowed to continue when you knew and said nothing.

It does all sound rather odd though - not living together and her saying they're not really together anyway but having a child together and going on family outings/holidays, and then the OW being so open on social media about the relationship and him not being bothered about that...

I'm inclined to think this could be their personal arrangement tbh. It may be strange to us, but after being through shit relationships before, maybe this is how your DM likes it, having a family but without any of the other relationship commitments or expectations?

But you should say something on the chance that it's not. Maybe the OW simply has no idea about your DM. If your DMs DP rarely uses Facebook he may not realise he's even been tagged in these statuses?

They're in an open relationship or its just casual. If she says they're not really together then that suggests they're both free to see other people if they like.

But why on earth were you tagged in that status?! So the girlfriend knows about your mum and that you are her Daughter presumably???

Blimey - I would hope my DD would show me all of this straight away.
I understand you don't want to hurt her but she does need to know.
There must be lots of people out there who know about all this.
Maybe your DM does as well.
Please show her.