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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am very very worried about my friend...

57 replies

PandoraExplorer · 10/08/2017 17:27

I'll have to be spartan with the details here because they're very identifying. My friend is in the process of being made bankrupt. His partner secured his business against their home and the debts are several times the value of the property. It's been a while since I've seen my friend but we've txt'd a little. I have good reason to suspect that there could be serious domestic violence. I'm actually thinking the worst. No one local has seen my friend for a while and the property now looks derelict. I knocked but no reply. The neighbours have seen/heard nothing either. I have this silly feeling that it's not my friend answering my txts...but the partner instead. The messages say they're still at home but I live close by & the place looks abandoned and has done for months. I don't know what I can do? I have this nagging feeling all is not ok.

OP posts:
meatup · 10/08/2017 18:15

Definitely the police. Hope friend is ok.

ReanimatedSGB · 10/08/2017 18:17

Police will definitely check. Hope she's OK.

It's possible she's left the shitbag and gone to a refuge - if he is very dangerous, she may have been advised not to contact anyone.

pinkmagic1 · 10/08/2017 18:24

I think the friend is a man with a male partner, not that that makes any difference.
I would also call the police and explain the situation. You say the house looks derelict op? Is there any sign that someone is living there, eg. curtains opening and closing?

farfarawayfromhome · 10/08/2017 18:46

This is chilling. Please contact the police and update us. I truly hope it's not what you think.

JustDontGetItAtAll · 10/08/2017 18:48

If you ask the Police not to say it was you that raised the concern then they won't do x

PollytheDolly · 10/08/2017 18:56

What everyone else said. Hope all is ok.

NoMoreDecorating · 10/08/2017 19:24

Hope everything turns out ok and your friend is safe Flowers

Justdontknow4321 · 10/08/2017 21:08

Police for a welfare check, hope she's ok.

sweetbitter · 10/08/2017 22:53

Pink, that's what I thought too.

What about social media - Facebook, WhatsApp etc, can you see if your friend has been active on anything like that recently?

Original poster
PandoraExplorer · 10/08/2017 23:05

I'm not on any social media so wouldn't be able to check but then I'm not sure they are either. I'm scared to call the police in case they accidentally name me. I walked past tonight and there were lights on. The first time I've seen lights in ages, so someone's home.

OP posts:
YouCantArgueWithStupid · 10/08/2017 23:14

I'd call 101 for a welfare check

Justdontknow4321 · 10/08/2017 23:36

Just call, explain and don't leave a name, say your a concerned neighbor.

Valentine2 · 10/08/2017 23:40

Sorry you are in this situation. Hope it is not too bad. But definitely call police.

ImperialBlether · 10/08/2017 23:41

If you don't give your name to the police, then they can't pass your name on, can they?

notapizzaeater · 10/08/2017 23:43

I'd speak to the police but make sure they know not to mention your name,

GlitteryFluff · 10/08/2017 23:46

Yes don't give your name to police then they can't accidentally slip up.
Please call them though, your friend might need the help Flowers

Motoko · 11/08/2017 01:46

Do you know any of their family? Or the names of any siblings? Even if you're not on social media, you can google their name, and if they are on it, it should come up in a search.

Also, contact the police.

perper · 11/08/2017 01:56

The police won't name you if you're clear you want to remain anonymous- keeping information safe is a huge aspect of their job!

I would offer your name and contact details to them though so they can contact you back if they do find any concerns and need to speak to you further.

Hope everything turns out ok with him.

farfarawayfromhome · 11/08/2017 19:42

Op, any updates?

Babydontcry · 11/08/2017 19:45

I agree ask for a police welfare check, it will be anonymous. I hope ur friend is ok

fridayrain · 11/08/2017 19:46

Why didn't you knock on the door when you saw lights on?

GoingRogue · 11/08/2017 19:48

Be careful leaving your name with the police/social services if you really do wish to remain anonymous. I know someone who reported concerns about a child's welfare anonymously. A few years later, the family asked to see the file under the freedom of information act, and I'm not sure if it was the police or SS but they handed over a file which named the person who reported it ! They then found her on social media and targeted her (I think children had been removed). Scary I know, but true.

I hope you have managed to contact your friend and all is ok. Does sound worrying (always trust your gut instinct).

Chocolatteandbiscuits · 11/08/2017 19:58

What makes you think it's not her texting you? I agree call the police but don't leave your name. Give as much detail as possible

Kirstsworld · 13/08/2017 18:02

Any updates op?

charlie2405 · 13/08/2017 21:06

Don't push aside your gut feeling. If it feels wrong and you suspect it's not your friend answering as usual then report it to the police. As others have said they will do a safe and well check. I would however disclose your worries and if he or she turns out "fine" then they can do a follow up check a few days later I cases of domestic abuse. Keep calling and texting. It may be that someone cares stops anything really sinister occurring as the abuser knows that someone will miss the person. If no contact from your friend (in person or via call) please re report. Better to be safe than sorry and if rather be known as a nuisance than someone who allowed something awful to occur xx