Will he ever stop invading my thoughts?

[startingover231]

How long was it before your XH stopped popping into your thoughts?
Mine has been gone almost three years, we're divorced and he's now married to OW.
I am happy with a new partner, but every single day, my XH pops into my thoughts, sometimes a song on the radio, sometimes something one of the kids say, sometimes for no apparent reason! But when he does I then start feeling bitter and resentful again at his lying and cheating.......etc. etc.
I realise this probably means I'm not yet completely over what happened and after all we were married for 27 years, so there's much shared history but I just long for a day when I don't have to think about him!
Will he ever go away? Or am I stuck with him in my head forever?

Because you have a long history, you will never totally be free of thoughts of him, but they do go away for the most part. I only really think about him when the DC mention him. I was married for almost 22 years.

little candle how long did it take before those thoughts weren't every day? I long to wake up one morning and think 'great he hasn't popped into my head for x days!'

No advice OP unfortunately. I am one ear into separation (dh left me) and I wonder the same.

To some extent its natural, as you say, he was part of your every day life for so long. But you could try to consciously change the pattern/habit - when he pops into your head - notice, but then direct your thoughts onto something else more constructive. Over time he may show up less often!

Trying to NOT think of something tends to make you think of it tho, so try not to see it as a big deal, just don't dwell when it happens (maybe think about what is good in your life now, that would never have happened if he was still around?)

That's good advice tennis in many many ways I am so much happier now! I just still find it hard to comprehend that someone I thought I knew was capable of such deceit and hurt.....
But trying to change the negative thought into a positive one is a great idea!
sunshine hugs and solidarity! I'm glad I'm not alone in my problem although I'm sorry you're suffering it too!!

I op struggle with that thought, starting. How could he do it?

I read somewhere a while ago that it might help to 'calm yourself out'. When you notice you think of him think or say out loud (if possible): 'Oh look I'm doing it again - how silly.' Apparently it moves you from a victim of your thoughts to an observer of your thoughts and gives you back control.

I keep trying it and at times it works, but I've just got the divorce petition through so find it hard to switch off the thought.

Best wishes

*call

I really like the idea of not being the victim of my thoughts! It's all too easy to put yourself into that role because of the way you've been treated! The reality for me is that because he left me, I found my first love, looking for me and now we're so happy together. I would never have had that true love if he hadn't cheated! And the reality is I am so much happier. So starting now,every time he invades my head I will change that to the positive thought of my new DP.