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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Answer me this..

20 replies

joash · 29/03/2007 10:38

At the end of January, I got back together with DH after months apart. He reckons that he didn't get involved with anyone else whilst we were apart. However, twice during the night, a reminder has gone off on his mobile telling him to phone a certain woman who he works with. And he once, some weeks ago, he forgot his mobile, which I automatically answered when it rang. Some woman got very flustered wanting to know who I was. I just kept asking who she was until she finally replied with something like "...is that eeerrr 'louise'". I replied no and she hung up.
I have asked him about this and he says he hasn't got a clue why the reminder should be set on his phone and that the call was probably just a wrong number.
We are still working on the trust issue as I have already caught him out in a major lie about the exactly same issues that we originally split over.

So am I paranoid or what?

OP posts:

babywhiting · 29/03/2007 10:48

he's hiding something , it's not good to be nosey but for his phone to go off it souds dodgy to me!!!!!!

balancingact · 29/03/2007 10:50

i don't think you are. probably not what you want to hear.
if you really are willing to give it another go, you must tell him that it's ok if he was involved with someone else while you are apart as long as that is over now and that you are starting on a clean sheet of paper and no more lies.
he maybe lying cause (not an excuse)he is fearing you will boot him out.
hope that is helpful

Original poster

joash · 29/03/2007 10:52

Thats what I think. The thing is, I would understand if he'd had some sort of 'thing' whilst we were apart. To be honest I had three and he knows about two of them (I should add by the way that we were actually getting divorced - had the papers in court and everything, otherwise I wouldnt have got involved with anybody).
Not sure ifI think he's hiding a relationship from our seperation or if he's hiding something from now IYSWIM.
Can't understand why would he hide anything?

OP posts:

Whoooosh · 29/03/2007 10:52

I would and indeed have felt exactly the same.
Trust is a tricky thing and when it has been betrayed biy does it take some rebuilding.

I really hope you can work it out if that is what you want.Good luck.

HoppyDaddy · 29/03/2007 11:16

Reminders don't just set themselves.

He needs to come clean, if it's during separation then that'll be fine. If now, then you're back to square one.

Original poster

joash · 29/03/2007 11:21

Thanks HoppyDaddy - nice to get a male perspective. 'Reminders don't just set themselves' - my argumet exactly!!!
Although he still insists that he hasn't got a clue why a reminder should go off. Sometimes thinks he assumes I left my brain behind when we moved here.

OP posts:

HoppyDaddy · 29/03/2007 11:23

If there was a real, errant reminder on my phone it would prompt me to go through the calendar to delete any other "rogue entries".

And just trying to fob it off is a shite way of keeping you onside. To be frank, he's getting the response he deserves. How he can expect any other is beyond me.

Original poster

joash · 29/03/2007 12:05

Definately going to have another 'word' about this tonight.

OP posts:

HoppyDaddy · 29/03/2007 12:23

Make sure the "word" starts with "OI!"

Original poster

joash · 29/03/2007 13:19

Thanks HoppyDaddy for making me smile about this. Actually thought I might start with "We're not going cause any pain by telling porkies are we?" whilst holding his bits very firmly in my hand

OP posts:

HoppyDaddy · 29/03/2007 13:22

Sounds like a plan, joash.

Anytime.

warthog · 29/03/2007 19:09

doesn't sound good joash, good luck tonight.

Original poster

joash · 30/03/2007 18:50

Didn't work - nowt happened. Gitface still adamant that he has no idea why it should go off at that time. This woman works in the office and according to him he did once set the reminder to call her but it was for 9 in the morning.
SO now I'm stuck - where do I go from here? DO I play along and hope to catch him out or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and risk being a mug?

OP posts:

chancery · 30/03/2007 18:53

i think your looking at it wrong - why stay in a relationship to confirm your fears.

if hes a shit - leave.

just leave - you dont need a reason - leave leave leave!

if hes not a shit stay stay stay.

WanderingTrolley · 30/03/2007 19:05

Maybe he didn't set the reminder - perhaps the woman at work did? Or one of his mates with a sense of "humour?"

warthog · 30/03/2007 19:11

go with your gut feel, and if you can't decide what that is, wait a bit longer. it will become evident

Original poster

joash · 30/03/2007 19:29

My 'gut' feeling is that I do believe him. But as Hoppydaddy said earlier on this thread - reminders don't set themselves.

OP posts:

vitomum · 30/03/2007 19:33

if you were having some sort of a "thing" with someone you wouldn't need to set yourself a reminder to phone them. OTOH it would make sense to set reminders for work calls

warthog · 30/03/2007 19:50

well i'd give him the benefit of the doubt, unless you're looking for a reason to leave. in which case, leave. it's so hard isn't it?

colditz · 30/03/2007 19:52

lying

Joash I think i have talked to you before about fibs? or am I muddled in my membrane?

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