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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do I feel so bad?

13 replies

Henrythehoover · 10/08/2017 13:50

I split from my partner about a month and a half ago. It had got to the point I dreaded getting up in the morning because of his constant nagging, not doing anything, jealousy of our children etc.

Anyway he won't give up trying to get me back. He keeps sending begging messages and just plain creepy stuff. When I see him I revert back to not saying how I feel and being numb. Anyway last night after another long begging message I snapped and text exactly why I didn't want it to happen. I told him he drove me mad and I used to dread bedtime as i knew he would pester me until I gave into sex and that the thought of ever having sex again makes me feel sick. How it wore me down to feeling like I wasn't a person anymore. I also told him alot of other things that have been killing me inside for the years we were together.

The problem is now I feel bad for writing all of that and I don't know why. I know he has mental health problems which is probably why I feel like a bitch but it's no excuse for the way he treated me and the children. Is it normal to not want to upset anyone at the loss of your own happiness.

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble i don't have many people to talk to in rl.

OP posts:
Henrythehoover · 10/08/2017 13:51

Not sure why this posted twice but I've reported my other one!

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TheUpsideDown · 10/08/2017 13:58

It sounds like he needed to hear it to get the message through tbh.

Did he respond?

Henrythehoover · 10/08/2017 14:04

Yeah he said he was changing and we should forget the past and start again. I don't think he even loves me really he loves the idea of me if that makes sence. Anything I like or want to do he thinks are stupid. Plus I think he's just missing the sex on tap. That sounds harsh I know. I don't think he sees me as a real person. Its creepy and weird how he acts and sometimes scares me.

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AdalindSchade · 10/08/2017 14:07

His mental health problems are not your problem
Abusers are very good at making other people feel responsible for their feelings. You are not responsible but it will take a while before you believe that. Stay strong and stay away from him.

Henrythehoover · 10/08/2017 14:23

Its hard as his mum is looking after the children during the holidays (couldn't afford anything else as it was last min) and he has been signed off work/living with her so keeps happening to drop them off. Plus I have her on my case to as darling boy has always got everything he ever wanted so he deserves what he wants. I'm off for the last two weeks of the hols so keep telling myself it's not much longer.

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Henrythehoover · 10/08/2017 15:43

Urgh just called his mum to ask when the kids will be back and she puts him on the phone with all his "I miss u etc." Its exhausting

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SabineUndine · 10/08/2017 16:02

Can you ask a friend to do the handover of the children?

His DM is clearly a big part of the problem.

TheUpsideDown · 10/08/2017 16:31

Yes I agree, you have both him and his DM chipping away at you. Is there a neutral friend or relative that cam deal with handover of the DCs

Don't feel bad about what you said to him as it seems he hasn't actually listened to a bloody word

Henrythehoover · 10/08/2017 18:49

I don't really have any friends he saw to it about that. Plus during the week my family work so can't do the drop off usually his mum comes over before I go to work to pick them up every day.

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debbs77 · 10/08/2017 19:08

My ex did this. I took him back and it all just got worse. Ended in the police taking him away xx

Henrythehoover · 10/08/2017 20:38

Debbs77 that sounds awful. I'm trying my best not to give in he's so goo at wearing me down

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Peanutbutterrules · 10/08/2017 20:44

You need to practice your 'cold hearted bitch' routine. No..never will I take you back...stop grovelling man. And repeat.

Even if you don't feel it - appear cold as stone. He'll find someone else to drain the life out of if he knows you're not going to budge.

Henrythehoover · 10/08/2017 23:38

Yeah I have been doing that but he is so delusional I swear i could have a gun pointed at his head and he would be saying "I can see you still love me" it's like he has a image of someone else like he lives in a fairy tale.

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