Does every sociopath show every single trait or red flag?

[misskz88]

From personal experience in past relationships I have been cluing myself recently on red flags, warning signs and listening to my intuition. I have come to the conclusion that my own behaviours and lack of self esteem have often led me to attract men with insecure non-committal, sociopathic tendencies. I still have a lot of work to do on myself to build my self esteem, confidence, and my standards.

I don't believe every guy I have dated has fallen into these categories, some have simply been normal, great guys who didn't work out for whatever reason. But there is a pattern, and I want to learn from it and break it.

However, I am am finding it really hard to differentiate between what is sometimes 'normal' behaviour i.e the occasional brag about success and what crosses over into slightly more concerning territory.

Will a sociopath show every single sign, or will they show others in abundance and none of others?

My question has arisen from one of the last guys I dated, showing some but not all red flags and me ignoring my gut instinct and trying to reason things - All could probably be explained in some ways, but I had this nagging feeling at the beginning of 'everything just seems a little too perfect. I just have this feeling he possibly had traits, even if he was not full blown. Is that possible... Is it on a sliding scale? Either way, unfortunately it has left its burn.

Can anyone help?!

Manipulators will just not respect that 'no' and will try and convert it to a 'yes' or make you feel bad whereas a genuine whole person is perfectly fine and ok with a 'no'.

You hit the nail on the head with this one.

I'm an efnp
I wonder what narcs get on the test...
Perhaps We could avoid them that way! Make them so a test!

What if, then, we didn't have to do any inner work or soul searching?

What if, we were all ok and just right just as we are, right now? Therefore we accept ourselves and no longer need approval from anyone else - and no longer need to rescue anyone else - because we rescued ourselves by accepting ourselves.

I think this is a lot about the dysfunctional idea [perpetuated in movies and books] that we need to be loved enough that someone else changes for me or loving someone enough that I save them.

What if, all we actually need to do is to let go of our obsessive overthinking and just move forward - taking each step as it comes - and just no longer accepting bad behaviour.

Do we rescue though to gain approval? I don't think I do. (did - I no longer do this!).

I agree, just go with the flow and stop overthinking. But every so often I need to check in with myself to see that I am reinforcing boundaries and also not forgetting my own needs. If I don't do this, there is a high chance that I do let people walk all over me.

waving - I used to rescue to gain approval because I thought it was what good people did - and I didn't feel I was good enough for someone who was not messed up.

So for me - not to gain approval from others but to approve of myself iyswim.

Yeah for me, the soul searching and work isn't about feeling that i need to change.... its more about ensuring that I do what I can to protect myself and set boundaries.

I'm really struggling today, I'm poorly so can't get out and about to burn off some of the stress. I just feel not good enough and my whole body aches to hear from this guy who treated me so unfairly. Why is it we hang on to people who are completely awful? I know he's toxic for me, I know he doesn't deserve my kindness yet I have a habit of seeing the good and feeling like I'm at fault when I'm not :(

I think its because we crave something/someone else to focus on because if we are left to ourselves we tend to focus on negative beliefs about ourselves.

It someone else is there to say we are lovely that becomes more believable.

Today misszp maybe practice refocussing every time you say/think something negative about yourself. [sometimes i laugh kindly at the 'other' me who is so detrimental to my own self worth and then replace the negative thought immediately with a positive one.]