My Disconnected uninterested parents!!

[amberjre]

So I used to have a fairly close relationship with my mum before my son was born, she was so excited to become a Granny and I thought she'd be around alot visiting and calling regularly, I feel so disappointed.......she came over a few times after he was born and my partner and I made the effort to go out and visit her often but she never calls me or messages me anymore and it's a nightmare trying to organise anything!! She has only been to my house twice this year and only lives a 25min drive away!! She was in a huff with me a few weeks ago because we couldn't make it to a party she was having due to life being so busy! When she does want to come over she wants to come after Tea when it's my son's bedtime!! She doesn't think of anything from our point of view and seems to live in her own little bubble with her husband! I feel like I can't talk to her because she is so sensitive and would get upset and make me feel terrible 😖 I don't have much of a relationship with my Dad either as he has never been that interested in being a dad, strangely it's him and his wife that make more effort now!! Sorry for lengthy rant but it needs to come out! I feel so disconnected from my parents and often feel like a stranger :(
Anyone else have a similar experience?

She probably likes the idea of being a granny but not the reality.

She probably talks about him all the time with her friends, but is uninterested in actually doing anything.

My mum has absolutely zero interest in my son, but I bet that she is a wonderful granny to her friends

Same thing happens with our relationship,or lack of. I think something odd can happen to people when they become grandparents. My mother doesn't have any time for my children. Won't even listen to them when they speak. Interrupts and criticises. But she talks about them lovingly to other people and takes photos of them (to share with others, I think)
I think its just the reality is different to her expectation. She has no patience and no kindness for them.
I don't remember her like that when I was a child so something has changed. It has strained our relationship and I try to keep visits very short and not that often now as I don't think its healthy for my children to be around her.
My in-laws are further away but when we visit, they sit and listen to my children's chats,which I love. If they are not working, and have the time, offering time to listen is worth a lot and my children have a great relationship with them.

I think it's tough when your parents don't seem that interested in your children. I had this with my first born ( now 13) and was shocked and deeply saddened by how disinterested my parents seemed at times and how hands off they were. I even lived virtually next door to them for a few years and there was no difference.
Fundamentally, I think they felt they'd done parenting and were busy in their own lives and didn't really want any additional commitments.
It's taken me some time to come to terms with it especially as I have one of my 3 with special needs, but I feel ok about it now and have accepted it.
I can't change them and although I think they do love their grandchildren they don't see that love as involving them being hands on in any way and don't miss the grandchildren even when they don't see them for 2 or 3 weeks or longer. Some people are child focussed and some aren't.
I've tended to put more effort in to friendships and seeing other family members who do show an interest and can accept it now. Have shed many tears along the way though!