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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to deal with this?

10 replies

Temprmint · 09/08/2017 23:15

So. I met ex partner unexpectedly and it was a long distance relationship for a year. I loved him. There was always the complication if me moving to be with him which would move my son away from his dad. Exp has a daughter.
We spent a year together and had a 'family' holiday together.
We both wanted another child. So I became pregnant. Ectopic and very soon after the relationship started to fall apart. I suffered the emotional loss, he was at a distance and clearly didn't. I went on holiday with a friend and whilst there he posted pictures of himself with a woman on facebook.
He told me he loved me even then
He then told me they were daring. She has now moved across the other side of the country and is living with him.
A year on although I'm living my life for some reason tonight I had a cry about it all. Especially 're the lost baby.
Unbenown to me this ex cheated on his wife with me. I then got a message from the new woman saying she has never wanted children and does not understand how I'd feel any grief over a 'failed' pregnancy and also that she 'doesn't give a shit. '
So. They are living happily ever after now. I'm still getting over it. It's like a stab in the heart. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
RebornSlippy · 09/08/2017 23:41

Sounds like a lucky escape to be honest. Although I understand you might not feel like that right now. He's not a keeper unfortunately and better you find out now than more years down the line. I'm sorry to hear about your pregnancy loss also. Can I ask if this was recent?

The other thing that struck me from your post was the fact his new GF messaged you. Was this an unsolicited message or had you contacted her first?

C0untDucku1a · 09/08/2017 23:45

Why the fuck was his girlfriend messaging you? Out of the blue?!

He is not a prize. He is a shit.

Temprmint · 09/08/2017 23:47

The pregnancy loss was last March. He was with new woman last July.
Yes I messaged her first. I found our he cheated in his wife with me. He was with her a few months following miscarriage. I messaged her to warn her. Also that he told me he loved me whilst with her.
She was clearly in denial. But that message was very hurtful

OP posts:
Temprmint · 09/08/2017 23:50

I wasn't thinking clearly and was griefstricken. Perhaps I shouldn't have messaged her. It was factual stuff. I guess I was in pain and wanted to cause him pain. Truth is.. neither of them cared?

OP posts:
RebornSlippy · 09/08/2017 23:52

The message was undoubtedly hurtful, OP. However, as his now GF told you, she 'doesn't give a shit'. It's too late now really, but you shouldn't have messaged her. It's brought you nothing but more heartache.

Time to let it go now and move on.

Temprmint · 09/08/2017 23:55

I'm actually pleased I did let her know what he's like. Yes I have moved on but I did gave a cry tonight 're miscarriage. What's done is done. I guess if nothing else it has confirmed she's a heartless bitch and they deserve one another.

OP posts:
RebornSlippy · 09/08/2017 23:57

No, OP, what it has confirmed is that he is a shit and you're better off without him. She owes you nothing. Don't shift the blame to her. It's him. It's all him.

Temprmint · 10/08/2017 00:01

Ok. Her message was extremely hurtful though. She's doesn't owe me anything no, I guess not being or wanting to be a not get she may not have the capability to understand.
Ok. It's him then. The lies and deceit were unbelievable. Ok. True I need to believe im better off without him.. Perhaps she's now the unfortunate one

OP posts:
Temprmint · 10/08/2017 00:02

To be a mother

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 10/08/2017 07:58

Your anger should be directed at him, not her. She owes you nothing.

You're better off without them both. You have an amazing big blank canvass, which is the rest of your life. That is so exciting. Go for it.

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