Interfering friend

[Mellie1025]

Ladies... and Gentlemen, I need your advise. My partner of three years has a friend of the opposite sex that I can't stand. He says that nothing has ever happened between the two of them but I have a hard time believing that. He lies to me about when he sees her, she knows everything that goes on in our lives and generally she's a huge pain in my ass. I recently found out he changed her name in his phone so I wouldn't know when she calls or texts him. There is almost a 20 yrs old difference.

Today I confronted her about the amount of contact they have and she's so stupid that she sang like a bird. I want to go to her husband and tell him what I think is going on.

Advise please. I feel like I'm slowly but surely losing my mind.

Thanks in advance.

The fact is, your husband could put a stop to this and he's choosing not to. She knows that so she's hardly going to care about stern words from you in fact she probably enjoys feeling she's getting to you. If he cares about your relationship he would cut her off out of respect for your feelings. Maybe nothing has happened but he obviously likes having her there in the background and has no regard for the impact on you. You say you're with him because you love him - well you have a choice, either put up with this or get your act together and leave them to it. Somehow I don't think you will though.

She sounds sad and desperate. DP probably just puts up with it because he feels sorry for her.

However, you are getting the brunt of her behaviour. So your DP needs to start distancing himself from her and not be at her beck and call.

I will be the first to admit I have self esteem issues... Coming out of a relationship with years of abuse isn't a health situation to stay in and i did cause I thought it was for the best.

This woman is sad and desperate. You would think after he sent her to voicemail over and over again that she would get the point that she needs to leave him alone.

I feel both parties are to blame to a certain point.

She's the one that keeps this going
It takes 2 to keep things noting.
Both parties are to blame - full stop.
Your OH could block her or delete her.
But he chooses not to.
Even when out for dinner he won't just turn his phone off.
Sorry but all that speaks volumes.
You know what to do!

For goodness' sake.

Get rid of him. The problem here is HIM, HIM, HIM.

This woman is a problem because... HE keeps contact with her.

If you only have his word for it that his ex was having an affair, then I'd assume he's bullshitting and the actual only reason they split up is this - that HE is unfaithful with this woman.

Sad and desperate? No, she's successfully seen off one wife and is now a massive pain in your ass, as you say. She's getting what she wants, even if she does put up with him treating her like shit too (refusing to answer calls).

Don't go constructing a story to make it easier, ie that you are the winner as you 'have' him and she is 'sad and desperate' - no. The story is that he's a cheat, always has been, this woman is in his life and for whatever reason they seem happy with him having other relationships. You're the 'other woman', not her - he's been 'with her' since his marriage, she's not going anywhere.

Get wise and dump him, he's worthless.

Fizzy, I know the affair from the ex is true because she's now married to this man and they have a baby. She's admitted to the affair so it's not just his word. I see your point but leaving is easier said than done. We have a home and two children we have to look out for. Don't fool yourself I'm not totally blind and have been looking into place for myself and at least my daughter to move too.