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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can't talk to him

2 replies

Topsy1976 · 08/08/2017 22:17

I feel a bit isolated and frustrated in my marriage. He's a nice person and we get on mostly, but there's no interesting conversation or chatting things through. His brain seems to panic when I want to analyse a situation, or if I disagree and use logic in a discussion then he just gets cross that I've disagreed with him and refuses to speak to me and seems to be incapable of responding calmly. He's not violent at all. Would never be. But I just feel a bit lonely as we seem not to be able to just 'chew the fat' nicely.

He's a good dad. But I feel I'm in that zone where it's not awful enough to leave and upset the kids, and some of the time our relationship is ok (when there are no major decisions to think through or when we aren't spending too much time together).

Does anyone else understand what I'm talking about and have any advice? I acknowledge that it's probably partly me as my day job involves debating and thinking things through logically and he just doesn't need to do that at all.

I do want it to work.

OP posts:
Hermonie2016 · 08/08/2017 23:02

How angry does he get? It's not usual for a partner to be angry if you disagree but I maybe over sensitive to your situation as my ex was similar and it escalated until I was waking on eggshells, afraid to have a conversation.

I remember feeling very lonely in my relationship and it's due to the lack of emotional connection .We are programmed to want intimacy but some people (men) don't feel the need and prefer to be emotionally disconnected.

Without conversation or communication your marriage isn't going to get much better.It maybe sad but it could also be the reality.
Has he changed?

Topsy1976 · 09/08/2017 02:13

Thank Hermione - I appreciate your response. It's more annoyed than angry mostly and I do feel like I am on eggshells a lot as I know there's stuff he'll react badly to.

I just wonder if it can improve as fundamentally he is just like that - as you say. I think I may suggest counselling to see if we can improve our communication and see each other's perspective more. I think he withdraws and eventually I get cross and that alienates him further. Agh. Anyway, thanks for the reply.

OP posts:
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