Apparently Diana was was good at this, but actually how do you put someone at their ease when first meeting and make them feel they're the only only person in the room

[MariaWaria]

Any tips for someone who isn't Diana, isn't very good at this but would like to be.

Be interested in what they are saying and go from there.

There must be tons of books on this at the library. Be genuinely interested in what the other person says and thoughtful in your replies (without being too intense).

Eye contact and smile

Be interested. Smile, but not manically. Bit of gentle contact if appropriate. And, I can't explain it properly, but get to their speed. You have to sort of mimic their body language. It works.

Just respond to the person that you have in front of you, not your own idea of what they might be like, or the way you would like someone to behave with you, which might be quite different. After a minute, even just from body language/eye contact, you can tell if you're putting the person at ease, or if they need you to back off or change your tack.

Find something to pay them a compliment about. But not ott!

Be in the moment with the person you are talking to, don't think about how you appear or how they are thinking of you.

Pour your attention into the other person. Observe them with tenderness and curiosity. Ask gentle open questions, not too many, just a few and let them lead you. Don't comment on much that they say - just listen, allow short silences to occur, constantly relax into their presence and refocus yourself on them. Try to find out what the most important things in the world are to them.

Most people have never had anyone really care to get to know them. To really listen to them, and accept them as they are without judgement or plans to "improve" them. Be that person for someone else and even if they never see you again, they will never forget you.

"We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty." Mother Theresa wasn't great in certain things but this quote of hers is true. Many, many people, including those of great wealth, have spent their lives feeling this kind of poverty.

Read Dale Carnegie. We've just done a management course on it and one of the tips was to do an innerview (bloody awful word)

We had to practise on people asking questions in conversation but not butting in or adding your own 'oh yes, we did that...', just asking questions, answering with 'that sounds interesting, tell me more about such and such.

Really interesting and foes take effort to not add your own experience but gets easier with practise!

Put down your phone/book/ipad and give them your full attention. Don't look over their shoulder at others around the room or watch tv sneakily past them. Mimic body language (subtly). Make regular eye contact and smile. Ask them questions that show you're interested in who they are. Don't feel compelled to say any old thing just because there's a pause; inane chatter is what bores people from continuing a conversation.

Watch othrrs do it and mimic them.

This is really helpful stuff - thanks.

thestamp - much learned from your post.

Imagine that they are the most interesting, fascinating, person in the room, and then act accordingly.

We had a very socially adept woman in a senior leadership role in our organisation. She came to a career development lunch once to do a Q&A. Someone asked her how she got stuck in at large functions & talking to people, particularly if she didn't know anyone there. The questioner was new to a role with more business functions & finding it hard to mix at drinks receptions etc. Fab director said she would look for someone who was on their own, even looking a bit lost, and go and talk to them.

Listen, and demonstrate that by having thoughtful / compassionate replies. Smile and just generally welcoming and warm.

It's very difficult thing to fake. Some people are just more people persony.

You can repeat the last bit of what the person has said back to them, with a question mark. It makes them talk and brings polite chit chat into a more intimate conversation.
Mimic body language-this happens organically in a real conversation anyway. A small touch maybe on the arm but judge wisely there in case they think you're flirting. Don't let your attention drift over their shoulders, and just be warm.

I'm in a sales role, one that requires a lot of empathy. Asking questions that enquire into the other person's reasons for being there (do you know many people here? How do you know the host?), putting yourself on their shoes, introducing yourself and putting yourself on their 'team' by finding a common ground (I'm new too, I like white wine too, I love nachos too), etc. I try to genuinely find a common ground, not fake-y.

Yes, you have to genuinely care in the first place and build your people skills on that.

This is quite interesting. I probably say "oh I did that too" quite often and it's clearly the wrong thing.

Bugger typed a message and went to camera and it disappeared. Anyway this might sum it up

If there are lots of books on this can anyone recommend one?
Do you think it's possible to learn, even at the age of 45?!

Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People is still pretty good (though also rather terrifying).

My problem is that I can do this for a bit and then get exhausted (and slightly bored).

That's the book I'm referring to and I'm 44 so yes, you can learn at any age but I do find I have to read extracts every now and again as a refresher

If I know in advance who is going to be at a meeting I spend a bit of time before hand thinking about what I know about them reminding myself of their hobbies friends relatives etc think about what we chatted about last time e.g. planned holidays, I'll health etc.. I then have things to ask about and show interest in ! I may not end up needing any of this as often conversation takes its own organic path but it helps avoid awkward silences.

If I don't know them I will sometimes talk to someone who does know them - tell me about ....... how did you meet them etc.. failing that there's always the weather to discuss :)

Thank you!